Comparison Pics

Well since it is another school year, that means another picture (please ignore the little heads). Hopefully you can tell that the first picture is from August 2008, I had lost about 13 pounds and was exercising (no real calorie counting at that point). I was so proud of that picture.

Picture number two was taken Friday, so it is my August 2009 pic. I have lost 92.1 pounds (maybe a pound more if I go by the old scale - man, I need to quit that) with serious amounts of exercise and calorie counting.

What a difference a year can make! Have a great week!!

Transition Can Be Tough

Well it is Friday of the first week of school. I have almost made it. It has been crazy!! But I have worked out everyday. Which, if you ask any teacher, they will tell you is tough the first week of school. Always so much to do.

Being that it is Friday, it is also weigh-in day. The transition issue for me is that I bought a fancy new scale. I thought my old one (being about 8 years old) was telling me lies. The fancy scale does body fat, BMI, water and muscle. It also weighs to .2 pounds. Today I weighed on both to get a gage of the transition. Turns out, I like the old scale better today.

Old scale weighed me at 195 which would be a 2.5 pound loss (which I need after the month I have had). New scale says 196.4. I am putting new scale weight on my ticker because I have plans to smash the old scale just for fun. But just so you know in my head (and for my ego) I am telling myself I lost 2.5 pounds this week.

I am also getting excited that the new season of Biggest Loser starts in about 2 weeks. September 15th. I saw on their website that Daniel will be on it again. If you watched last season, he was their biggest contestant ever and he was about 19 years old. That ought to be fun to watch. Those folks are so motivating (and entertaining). Just putting it out there for you because I will be setting my tivo for Tuesday nights.

Hope you all had a great week. May you be a biggest loser!!

Funny Day

Well friends, it was the start of a new school year here in Texas. This is my first year at this school and the routines are .....different which puts me out of my comfort zone but I will get it back I am sure.

We seemed to do well, lots of kids still registering and being moved around classes so I will be on my toes a few more days. Not much surprises me anymore. I have met many different families in my career, however, today I did find myself staring.

One mom brought her daughter (along with her other 4 kids under the age of 6) and I kept trying not to stare at her shirt. It was hard, seeing how it was cut open across the midsection and a boob in a red bra was sticking out (and she was not a small woman). But then I found myself staring at her litter of children. People, I ask you, why?

Then this daughter cried. Really loud and ran out of the room. I had to grab her and bring her in and calm her down. Really? In 1st grade? She has been going to school for 2 years already. This is why I stopped teaching kindergarten.

The good news is, when mom picked her up she had changed her shirt. The shirt still wasn't lovely but at least it was G rated.

When I dragged myself out of work, I made myself go to the gym. As I walked in the girls at the counter said "we read your success story and it is on our website now." How funny. Not that you are not intimately familiar with my story, but if you want to see it, following is the web page for viewing. http://www.ladyofamerica.com/Mansfield/testimonials.asp

Finally I get home and start reading some of your posts and they are making me laugh out loud. I am totally exhausted and need to plan for tomorrow (but I procrastinate). I just have to say it has been a funny day. Sometimes you need that.

Hope you all have a funny day too.

Blogger Love

I know you all have seen the lovely blog award. It has really been making it's rounds. I will tell you my favorite blogs in a moment. First I must address the fact that I was awarded the Honest Scrap award weeks ago by Crystal at Mi Vida Loca. I am very flattered that anyone would even read a blog filled with my selfish, random thoughts. Now to be awarded for it? Hotdog! Well I am supposed to tell you ten honest (and interesting) things about me. If you have heard them before, I am sorry.

1. I have never felt bad about myself or hated myself, especially just for being obese. I have always been a good person and compared to the rest of the world, being obese seemed like a small flaw.
2. I can forgive, but I NEVER, EVER forget. Anything you have done to wrong me, lingers in my mind whenever I see you.
3. I love the water. So much so that if I die by drowning I will be extremely pissed in my afterlife (where ever that may be).
4. I think I was born to be a mom. I love kids and love to teach but the more I am around kids, the longer I can wait to be a mom.
5. I like to watch depressing shows (i.e. Intervention on A&E or 16 and Pregnant on MTV) because they make me feel better about my own life.
6. I make really good pico de gallo. It is just an awesome food that I can eat on pretty much anything. I order it in restaraunts to eat on baked potatoes.
7. I have never twittered and I rarely go on Facebook because I think the news feed is retarded. I could careless if your kid took a crap 2 hours ago and you are now folding laundry or that you sent some imaginary pixie to bomb Japan in some stupid, fake game you are obsessed with.
8. I have mad interpersonal skills. The thing I can do best is interview. Weird, huh?
9. I am TOTALLY freaked out by anyone who wants to be a clown. I think they are just perverts that dress up to get close and molest children. It is not logical, but I stick by my theory. And no, you cannot change my mind.
10. I do not feel any older now than I did 10 years ago when I was 21. I just feel like everyone around me is getting younger.

I think I am very negative sounding in my head but really I am pretty pleasant to be around (at least I think so). On to better things, your blogs.

I have to tell you, I love blogs. You can say whatever you want. And then I get to read it. AWESOME. It's like looking into someone's windows when you are walking your dogs late at night because they left the lights on and shades open and I get to see what you are doing (not that I have ever done that and enjoyed it or anything). That said, I am disappointed in some bloggers. Don't worry, not you. Some that got too big of a following or too many book deals and changed who they are and now their thoughts (or at least the posts on their blogs) are crap. Some people who I found totally inspirational were all like I have this beat, I quit. I felt abandoned. All of these blogs I am referring to are on my blog roll on the side, mixed in with yours.

I enjoy reading all of your blogs. It is so hard to pick a few but I would like you to check them out if you haven't already. These people are so inspirational, honest and best of all, entertaining. I am not going to mention Jack Sh*t because my guess is EVERYONE knows who he is, but I do love it. So here we go friends:

1. TJ's Test Kitchen- awesome inspiration and the girl has mad cooking skills and takes lots of pics!!
2. Confessions of a +Sized Girl - honest, hard working and super cute. She is like that friend you have that is always there for you, no matter how bad a day either of you have had.
3. Halving Hadley - this girl is super intelligent. I love her graphs and percentages and honest account of life. I just wished she would cut herself some slack and not OVER analyze her bad days.
4. Not Just Celery - this girl is total inspiration. With nothing but hard work and determination, she has dropped over 100 pounds. She is now an athlete!
5. Watch My Butt Shrink - she is a trained writer so her blog is excellent but it is her positive attitude and wit that keep me coming back.
6. Fit to the Finish - never has a bad thing to say. Conquered obesity and helps others now. Her story is amazing and brutally honest and has some of the best before and after pics I have ever seen.
7. Diamond Motivation - a newer blog but FULL of energy and motivation. Always a fun read.
8. Shedding My Fat Suit - does not post as often as I would like to read but when she does it is heart felt. Her blog is so relatable. Just read, you will see. I think she is someone who always has a big hug for you.
9. Bigger Than My Body - LOVE, LOVE, LOVE her. I feel we are kindred spirits. And I totally laugh out loud when reading her posts. She can be very deep and meaningful - maybe I will learn something.
10. Infatuation - Darling, darling girl overseas. Our lives are so different and yet so similar. Incredibly honest and funny - I know she will have HUGE weight loss excess as her journey continues.

If I have given you a blog award before, I tried to spread them around this time because there are so many great ones. I am not telling these folks that I am giving them an award, they will have to discover by reading. Thanks for all your positive thoughts on the new school year. I love you all. Best support system ever!!

They're Back.....

Not the pounds, thank God!!! It's the evil, crappy lady troubles. I am in horrific, crippling pain. My drugs need to kick in. I feel like I have this problem more than once a month.

Today is weigh-in day. I make myself do it even when I know it is not going to be pretty. Just to recap it has been a LONG, tough week. Working at school, lots of meetings. I had to eat out lunch everyday. I did pretty good with choices (even though it was still more calories than I wanted to spend) with the exception of the day my team wanted to eat at Taco Bueno. It is delicious food but NOTHING there is healthy. So one bad meal and the day I had a small slice of cake. I could have easily turned this down but it was my first day with my new team and it was someone's birthday and I did not want to be rude. I only ate half. I have worked out EVERYDAY. Like I said, if I can make it through this month and get into a routine I think I will settle back into losing about 1 pound per week.

I was just thinking to myself this morning......God let this pain stop so I can walk and please do not let me go back up over 200 this week. I stepped on the scale and 197.5 came up (multiple times) which means no change. I will GLADLY take that. Not only because of the week I had but also because this is the first time in months I had lady troubles and did not go up a pound.

I will power through like always. The funny thing is that I feel so bloated and fat but other people do not see it that way. You know the presentation I had to give? I saw lots of people I have not seen since June. I was told more times Wednesday that I was beautiful than I have heard in my entire life. People can be so sweet. I know that my exercise has really changed my body (and face) even if the scale has not moved much lately. This is partially how I know that exercise is the key for me.

I have to get going to work but I want you all to know I have been reading your blogs. I am humbled by the awards that have been graciously bestowed upon me this last month. I am not ignoring them, I just need to work on that post this weekend. So THANK YOU to all of you for your continued support and kind thoughts. I could not have come this far without your support!!

Don't Stop Believin'

Do you ever feel like God (or some higher power) is trying to send you a message?

I do. Especially the last two weeks. I really started to question my decision to take on this entire weight loss project myself (sans trainer). Would I be able to do it? Will I still make progress in the right areas? What if this is as far as I get? What if I gain some weight back?

Then I heard it. A line from the song by Journey - Don't Stop Believin'

I have heard it everyday. Usually I turn on the radio and it is right at that part of the chorus. Different stations. One day I turned on the tv and it was playing a rerun of the series finale of the Sopranos. You know, where they are in the diner and that song is playing and then it cuts to black? I think this is my message. I think this because I do not remember hearing this song very often before last week. Now - everyday. So I bought it on iTunes and decided to play it for inspiration. Why not?

That said, this week is rough. I have to give a presentation tomorrow. We teachers are working like dogs and then sitting in boring meetings that make us feel overwhelmed. Eating has not been perfect this week - I fear a gain on Friday. This is the worst week for food I have had in a LONG time. It is not that bad but not great either.

However, I have worked out everyday. Including Sunday, I no longer have a day off. I did 3 days of weight training myself and it seems to be working well. The other days are classes and Saturdays are double workout days. I also started running with the dogs again in the morning (during fat camp we just walked but they were getting fat so now we must run).

I just need to make it through this month without doing too much damage and in September routines will fall back into place. So until then I just need to remember to Don't Stop Believin'!!

No More Fat Camp.....

This week has been super stressful and busy!! I guess I was expecting it but man, taking over my own diet and workout routines on top of that was a LOT more stress and work. I increased my calories (to something I can actually live with) and exercised less (only because I had to) and ate out 3 times (unheard for me). However, I did not gain and for that I am happy. Actually lost 1 pound so for that I am grateful.

Today the last camp fire will be extinguished at fat camp. I am proud that I worked so hard. It was a total of about 71 days and here are the results - I had losses in all areas:

1. Neck - 0.5 inch
2. Chest - 4 inches (and there was not much to begin with)
3. Arms - 1.25 inches
4. Forearm - 1 inch
5. Waist - 5 inches
6. Hips - 3.5 inches
7. Thigh - 2.7 inches
8. Calf - 1.5 inches
9. Pounds Lost - 20.5
10. Body Fat - 10.05% (this is as of 7/14/09, I was not able to take that again)
11. Shoes - another pair lost to wear and tear

Overall, I would say it was a success. I leave this venture behind with my head held high (and my ass a little smaller).

I hope you all had a great week and enjoy your weekend!

Panic Sets In

I woke up at 4am yesterday in a panic. I still had to move my entire storage unit into my new classroom. I spent two half days in the room preparing it as much as I could. Tuesday my husband took the day off to help me move all my crap (in a 16 foot truck). It was so hot but we finished at noon. For lunch we ate out some awesome fatty food (hello cheat meal). Then my husband said he would spend the afternoon working in my room.

Um....I have taught for 6 years and this is the first time he has ever offered that. And you know what? He did a spectacular job. Including classroom set up. The panic started to subside by the end of the day.

Today I worked all day and still have TONS to do. I have only been able to workout once a day. Now panic is setting in that I will gain weight this week. The rest of this month will be this way. ***SIGH****

I also have super tight, sore muscles. Sucks. I stretch everyday and have been soaking in a hot bath but evidently it is not enough. Today I ordered a book on stretching. Hopefully that will help. If you have any advice on tight muscles, please share!!!

I hope you all are having a super great week!

All By Myself

Man have I been thinking the last two days. Those wheels were turning and boy did it hurt! I have decided to go about this journey alone from here on out (at least for now). I am capable, I just have to prove it to myself. Until I finish reading up on the Biggest Loser diet I am going with 1400 calories per day (middle of the road for me) but with carbs!

As for fitness, this is my last week for fat camp so I will be doing a little more than when the school year starts (I will also be working in my room and lugging tons of boxes and crap around). After this week, I have created a pretty good schedule at the lady gym. I am going to use this computer program they have that is like a virtual personal trainer for strength training 3 times per week. Then I will do a bunch of classes on top of that.

I am so excited and happy about these decisions. I feel so free!!! If something isn't working I can just change it. I know it sounds retarded to those of you have been doing this solo for so long but I was using my trainer as a crutch. No more crutch, no one to blame or bitch to (except for you all).

I had money set aside to pay my trainer next week. So what did I do? I went shopping!! I even got to take best bud with me (which is rare that we can go out without the twins). We went to an outlet mall and right when I told her we had to leave because I was gonna open a can of whop-ass on those slow shits blocking my walkway, I saw it. A Banana Republic outlet. We had to go in. I tried on so much stuff and got some AWESOME things. This is totally my favorite store now. And the prices were not too bad (I know it is because it was an outlet but I am still proud).

Today I spent hours and hours purging my closet of everything that no longer fits. It is pretty bare in there but I was so happy doing it. Smiling ear to ear. It felt like a cleansing therapy sort of weekend. I feel renewed. It's like I am starting a whole new journey now. I am excited. I am so motivated, I will not let myself fail. It may take longer all by myself but I think it will be more satisfying.

Oh yeah, a few hours ago I got a HUGE text message from my former trainer. He basically said he thinks I misunderstood and that I hurt his feelings but that he still wants to train me.

Um......I don't think so. When you walk out on someone after they ask you not to leave, I think you make a very clear statement that cannot be misunderstood. And that statement to me was - I do not want your business, find a better way to spend your money. So I did. Yeah for me!!

Today is Onederful!!

I finally made it! I am in onederland. Not by much, but I am there. I did the 1200 calories diet for 10 days and exercised alot and only saw 1.5 pound loss. I was pissed. Yesterday I was soooo mad. I took it out on exercise. I also got super crabby with my trainer.

Warning: this next section contains TMI!! Since changing my diet, I am having intestinal problems. Okay - I cannot pooh. It is making me super crabby. Therefor, I wanted him to change my diet. He thinks the diet is fine. I went to the gym early today for body fat measurements and a workout. Well last night I took some meds to help me with my problem. I woke up in great pain and no relief to my problem. When I got to the gym and saw my trainer I told him I hated him for putting my on this diet because my body was in pain and that we had to change it (we are very friendly and say things like this all the time). He told me I had to change my attitude or he was not going to train me anymore. I told him we had to change the diet and he turned around and walked out. I asked him to stop, that I needed his help and he just kept on walking.

So I returned home. I was going to go to the park and walk but I need to get ready for a party (and be near a potty). I sent him a text and apologized and wished him well in life. Now here I am. I guess I no longer have a trainer. Not sure what I will do now exactly but for now that will save me some money. Silver linings.

I will appreciate my loss and hope that next week will bring more. I may follow the Biggest Loser diet plan. I have the book I just need to finish reading it. Hope you all have a super week!

My 100th Post

Wow! 100 times of me rambling. You poor folks. Do I have something important to say for my 100th post?

Nope. I just want to say that I want to eat cereal. Not a bowl, a box. Of Honey Bunches of Oats (which is in my cabinet). I am fairly sure it holds no nutritional value. But damn is it good. I would like to eat it in a super gigantic bowl swimming in a gallon of skim milk (yes, I love skim milk!!).

Damn 1200 calorie eating specific shit diet. All protein and vegetables pretty much. For 7 days (minus the cheat meal last Thursday). I guess 7 days is the point where I tire of meat and lettuce.

Cereal.....cereal.....cceerrrrreeeaaalllllll.

Yes I am annoying, but if I type it out, I will feel better. I know you all have been here at some point and understand.

I have no intention of eating it. I follow directions very well (at least when I want to). I really want to see the scale move DOWN this week.

I also really want cereal. It will pass. I may have to go to bed early to make it pass. The crap we do for weight loss.

Cheerio old chaps (mmmm.....honey nut cheerios.....)

Lessons Learned

So I have been thinking about writing this post for months now. I am thinking of it as a therapeutic tool. These are some of the lessons I have learned on my weight loss journey so far.

1. EVERY LITTLE BIT COUNTS!!!! (that is how I gained the weight - literally one pound per month til I was almost 300 pounds - and I believe each decision I make helps me lose it)
2. I can do more than I think I can (this is mostly exercise related - including doing the leg press with 360 pounds on it - I told my trainer I am not a dude, but he did not care)
3. I can NEVER, EVER go back to the way I was (it is so much more fun to be less fat - I got called skinny bitch again - this time by a friend from across the country, how fun!)
4. I have learned enough to make decisions on my own that turn out better than anyone expected (I am referring to my self-imposed fat camp - the ending results will be posted soon since my summer is almost over)
5. Consistency is the key (I can have a cheat meal once a week but I have to get right back on course the very next meal)
6. For me, it is more exercise than diet (I say this because I am eating the exact same things I did when I got fat - although smaller portions and spaced differently in the day)
7. I will have to exercise and count calories for the rest of my life (which I now actually enjoy both of them and by exercise I mean serious workouts about 6 times a week)
8. I do not have to buy clothes just because they are decent and they fit - there are enough choices now that if I do not really love it, I do not have to buy it
9. I am committed to this being a lifestyle change - heck it already has changed my life, now it is habit
10. IF YOU FAIL TO PLAN, THEN YOU PLAN TO FAIL - this statement says everything for me. I have to plan a week out and then execute it one day at a time (like an alcoholic).
11. Setting small, attainable goals will lead to large goals I never expected to accomplish (even on the treadmill - I started in 30 second increments and now I do things in 3 minute increments - if I can keep going I do, but I just tell myself I can do anything for 3 minutes - eventually I end up running, at a good speed, for 21 minutes)
12. Sometimes your body needs to rest and it is okay to take a day off (getting a full night's sleep has helped my weight loss)
13. The blog world has made this journey so much better (the camaraderie, support and therapy of the written word) I feel this community has helped to make this change permanent for me, so thank you all!!

I leave you with this thought, what is the most important lesson you have learned so far on your journey? Please leave me a comment about it because I really do want to know.

Pics of my new shoes....

Maybe not so cute with my capri jeans but cute with the right outfit. Sorry you have to look at my huge calves, but look at those cute shoes! That is a real tattoo on my left ankle (it did not come from a Cracker Jack's box). It is a dolphin jumping in front of a sun (I realize you may not care, but if you are like me, you look and think....what the hell IS that?).

Kick up your heels this week!

Who loves shoes? I do!!

Dude, I got my new workout shoes. I ordered them online on Thursday and they were delivered on Saturday! Oh yeah...

Did I tell you I got new shoes to wear to work this year? Why you ask? Well, best bud told me the other day that I wear Jesus sandals. Then she told me all my other shoes are totally ugly. Sidenote - she has great taste in shoes and owns LOTS of them. Just so we are clear, in all the years I have known her (at least 6) she has never said this to me until recently. I take no offense (like I told you, it is like I have no feelings). My shoes were.....how should I say this? Practical. I did not like to pay more than $40 per pair, I always boughtem at Khols and they were comfortable (do not read totally ugly put there was room for improvement for sure).

I did have to tell her in my defense, I am a teacher on my feet all day (which she was too until this year) and I weighed almost 300 pounds. I needed comfort and stability.

Well I looked at her shoes (too small for me, darn it!) and then started looking online. I found two great looking pairs - one black, one brown. I was nervous to buy them - they had 3 inch heels. At 5'10 I rarely wear anything with a heel.....until now.

They came and when I put them on, I felt great!! I felt so powerful and feminine. They were even comfortable. I also went to DSW and bought some ballet flats. Once I had all my new shoes I took them to best bud's house and had a shoe parade (she told me she now has to approve all shoe purchases - like my own little Stacy and Clinton form What Not to Wear). She could not believe how I looked like a different person with these shoes on. She loved them all (as do I....at least so far). We even took pictures and sent them to my mom. She loved them all too. So this year I will be an even taller teacher I guess.

Just as a random note....my husband and I went to the movies today (very rare for us). We saw the FUNNIEST movie!! We saw The Hangover. I know we are probably like the last people to see it, but if you have not seen it and like comedies, I highly recommend it.

I am in training this week so I can only workout once a day. Hopefully I will learn something great to share with the children. And perhaps we can all lose some weight! I went to parties and hung out with best bud all weekend and did not eat one thing I was not supposed to. Oh and my cheat meal on Thursday was great....I even had an alcoholic beverage. So good once it touches the lips.....but I only had one. Good luck this week!!