All By Myself

Man have I been thinking the last two days. Those wheels were turning and boy did it hurt! I have decided to go about this journey alone from here on out (at least for now). I am capable, I just have to prove it to myself. Until I finish reading up on the Biggest Loser diet I am going with 1400 calories per day (middle of the road for me) but with carbs!

As for fitness, this is my last week for fat camp so I will be doing a little more than when the school year starts (I will also be working in my room and lugging tons of boxes and crap around). After this week, I have created a pretty good schedule at the lady gym. I am going to use this computer program they have that is like a virtual personal trainer for strength training 3 times per week. Then I will do a bunch of classes on top of that.

I am so excited and happy about these decisions. I feel so free!!! If something isn't working I can just change it. I know it sounds retarded to those of you have been doing this solo for so long but I was using my trainer as a crutch. No more crutch, no one to blame or bitch to (except for you all).

I had money set aside to pay my trainer next week. So what did I do? I went shopping!! I even got to take best bud with me (which is rare that we can go out without the twins). We went to an outlet mall and right when I told her we had to leave because I was gonna open a can of whop-ass on those slow shits blocking my walkway, I saw it. A Banana Republic outlet. We had to go in. I tried on so much stuff and got some AWESOME things. This is totally my favorite store now. And the prices were not too bad (I know it is because it was an outlet but I am still proud).

Today I spent hours and hours purging my closet of everything that no longer fits. It is pretty bare in there but I was so happy doing it. Smiling ear to ear. It felt like a cleansing therapy sort of weekend. I feel renewed. It's like I am starting a whole new journey now. I am excited. I am so motivated, I will not let myself fail. It may take longer all by myself but I think it will be more satisfying.

Oh yeah, a few hours ago I got a HUGE text message from my former trainer. He basically said he thinks I misunderstood and that I hurt his feelings but that he still wants to train me.

Um......I don't think so. When you walk out on someone after they ask you not to leave, I think you make a very clear statement that cannot be misunderstood. And that statement to me was - I do not want your business, find a better way to spend your money. So I did. Yeah for me!!

Today is Onederful!!

I finally made it! I am in onederland. Not by much, but I am there. I did the 1200 calories diet for 10 days and exercised alot and only saw 1.5 pound loss. I was pissed. Yesterday I was soooo mad. I took it out on exercise. I also got super crabby with my trainer.

Warning: this next section contains TMI!! Since changing my diet, I am having intestinal problems. Okay - I cannot pooh. It is making me super crabby. Therefor, I wanted him to change my diet. He thinks the diet is fine. I went to the gym early today for body fat measurements and a workout. Well last night I took some meds to help me with my problem. I woke up in great pain and no relief to my problem. When I got to the gym and saw my trainer I told him I hated him for putting my on this diet because my body was in pain and that we had to change it (we are very friendly and say things like this all the time). He told me I had to change my attitude or he was not going to train me anymore. I told him we had to change the diet and he turned around and walked out. I asked him to stop, that I needed his help and he just kept on walking.

So I returned home. I was going to go to the park and walk but I need to get ready for a party (and be near a potty). I sent him a text and apologized and wished him well in life. Now here I am. I guess I no longer have a trainer. Not sure what I will do now exactly but for now that will save me some money. Silver linings.

I will appreciate my loss and hope that next week will bring more. I may follow the Biggest Loser diet plan. I have the book I just need to finish reading it. Hope you all have a super week!

Yoga Was NOT Made for Fat People

So today was interesting. Normally I workout with my trainer but he had better plans so I went to the lady gym instead (don't worry, I made up my session with him earlier this week). I took a Zumba class and stayed for yoga (same instructor).

I have had this instructor before for Zumba and turbo kick boxing and she is little and spunky and sweet. Today I learned she is also a super, bendy pretzel girl. OMG! She did moves NO ONE in the class had any hopes of trying. We are talking standing on one leg, the other leg trying to touch your nose (in standing position mind you) while your arms were wrapped around your back. I, my friends, stood and stuck one leg out. That is about as flexible and balanced as I am.

The other lady gym has a real mellow instructor for yoga who does not try such foolishness. For that, I appreciate her. So I wanted to quit and walkout but things got better, so I stayed. Fast forward to the end of class where we tried to reverse our blood flow. This involved laying on the back of our head with our legs slung over our bodies and trying to touch our toes to the floor above our heads (kind of like a closing letter 'c'). This is where I determined (not sure why it took me so long) that yoga was not made for fat people.

I am a very stiff, muscular person so it is not easy for me anyway but add some fat to that position and it is hard to breath. I could breath fine today but if I had done that 80 pounds ago, someone would have had to unroll me just so I could catch my breathe - that I am sure of.

So I will wait for the Tuesday night class from now on (I only do it for the additional stretching, my muscles are real bad about that). Yoga at home might be an even better idea.

Did I ever bitch on here about my right knee cap hurting? Not when I exercise, but later in the day when I am walking around my house. Advil did nothing for it. My trainer loves to roll, punch and hurt my muscles. Everyday he'll say "what hurts?" and then torture ensues. We have talked about the knee cap before and he swore it was my quad muscle up by my hip (I thought he was bat-shit crazy, but I kept that to myself).

So Friday, since it was the only thing hurting, he decided to really work on that muscle (he has been working on it for weeks but it still hurt - hence the bat-shit crazy). He found a lump (muscle knot I guess) like a bar of soap and told me to just have a high pain tolerance for the day. After about 5 minutes of extreme pain from him pushing on it, it popped.

Not kidding. A serious pop in my leg that had me rolling and then up and running away from him as fast as I could. He was proud. I was mortified thinking he popped a muscle. We stretched alot and worked out. Can I tell you.....I have had NO knee pain since. It is amazing. I swam for about two hours tonight and made myself a little workout in the pool. It was delightful with no pain and being 80 pounds lighter than last summer.

The moral of the story is, sometimes it pays to let the professionals do their job. Unless they are trying to get you to bend yourself into a pretzel.

Another Week, Another Weigh-In

Hello friends!

Well, this week was okay I suppose. Just a little blah. This week I lost 1.5 pounds bringing the total to 62. I am not complaining but I must say I worked really hard for that. Here is what this week held for me:

1. A week of sticking to my 1600 calories/day diet and I used the calories wisely
2. 5 personal training sessions with my "we're gonna really change it up this week" trainer
3. 1 Zumba class - so fun and really worked my abs
4. Running/walking with the dogs 1.2 miles every morning

Now I ask......is 1.5 pounds really a fair trade off? I am going to shut my pie hole now and just appreciate the loss and hope next week's number will reflect more.

My training sessions this week were hard. My trainer was explaining how he was really gonna pump up the cardio in it and we would do blah, blah, blah (in my head I hear the teacher on Charlie Brown sometimes "whah, whah, whah, whah...whah"). I always try to interpret and then ask for clarification. Here is how the conversation went:

Trainer: Blah, blah, blah, cardio, harder, blah, blah, blah.
Me: So you are going to induce a heart attack?
Trainer: No, just short of a heart attack.
Me: Super.

And that is what we did. Today I pushed myself running on the treadmill before we started. But of course that was not near enough. By the time we were finished I had completely soaked two sports bras and my t-shirt with hard work (otherwise known as yucky sweat).

And yes I wear two sports bras. Not because I have a big chest, quite the opposite. However, one sports bra is super duper strong so I do not move when I run (imagine using duct tape to hold you in place only far more pleasant) and the other is a full body tank thing I wear over the super duper bra. I love these, especially if my shirt goes up (which it has on occasion) no one needs to see my big, pale belly. I have yet to find a combo bra I like so I just double up.

Now you know far more about me than you ever wanted to.

So my trainer wants me to use some of my precious 1600 calories each day to eat a protein bar. I am not a fan. If I only get 1600 calories, I want to use them on real food that I enjoy. He does insist that it will trick my body and speed up my metabolism. I guess I should try it. Afterall, look at all the work I did this week and my body wasn't buying it.

Hope you all had great losses this week!