Saturday, October 31, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
Tonight I have to work the Fall Fun Fest at school....for 3 friggin' hours. It is from 5:30 to 8:30. Which is annoying on many fronts. #1 - elementary kids are super spazzy and obnoxious at Halloween, #2 - I am exhausted from working with 6 year-olds all week, #3 - no one asked me if I wanted to do this, I was told to do it, #4 - I have a better party to go to (sorry for those of you with kids - teachers do enjoy them but we have our fill by Friday and want a break)
So after the festival I will be changing into my skanky Halloween costume and going to best bud's restaurant for their Halloween bash. And yes, I bought a skanky outfit. I will be an inappropriate version of Rainbow Brite. My husband even told me it was slutty. But it is still kinda cute. I was going to get a lady bug costume but I figured that next year I may be pregnant and need a big costume like that. Then I thought - to hell with it, this maybe the only year I am ever able to wear something skanky, so I will. I worked hard. I may be really testing the strength of the material but it does fit.
When I got big I always said I wish I could go back to my smaller self and tell her to live it up and wear sluttier clothes while she can. Well since I can't go back, I can tell myself that now. I am aware that 31 may be too old to dress this way for Halloween but I am telling myself it is okay because I am not a mom yet. But I have to say, if I have a decent bod after kids there is no telling what kind of costume decisions I will be making. If you've got it, rock it.
Ordered the P90X system this morning. We shall see how that goes. Now I am just looking to order the Polar heart rate monitor thing. Man there are so many models. I am so not sure which one to get. Also, do you have to wear a band around your chest with the watch? Do you wear it all day if you want to know your daily calorie burn? I need more exercise education I guess.
Hope you all rock the scale this week! I will try to update with Halloween pics this weekend. Try to stay away from that candy!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
HOLLA!!! Over 100 followers. You all rock! I have to tell you that I would not have come this far without this community. It is my therapy (only cheaper, so thanks). Like group therapy, kinda like I am in rehab learning how to create a new life. It works, if you work it.
Your comments have been awesome. They make me laugh, they make me feel better, they let me know that I am so not alone. I also really enjoy your blogs. I try to comment as much as possible but please know, sometimes I am reading them even if I do not have time to leave a comment. Your thoughts and feelings matter. I care about what you have to say. And I am not the only one so please keep it going!
Questions for you. Have you tried P90X? I hear nothing but awesome things about it and how ripped people get (and how super hard it is). I am a little confused as to how it works but I was thinking about getting it this weekend. Also, I want one of those calorie burning heart monitor watch things (technical terms, I know). Which one should I buy? I want a good one. Not that you all want a crappy one, I just don't want to get one and have to replace it.
So again, THANK YOU for all you have done to help me. I will do my best to return the favor. Let me know if you have any questions. I would love to answer some. Off to watch Biggest Loser!
Sunday, October 25, 2009
This picture is me (I cropped out my husband) as we were leaving (8:00 - like I said, lame). Sorry I did not get any better pics. But let me tell you, it was a pretty great night for me.
As I walked in the church, jaws dropped. You could tell when the moment of recognition hit someone because eyes widened and a look of shock took over their face. My husband's grandmother was weepy (but it may have also been the wedding). She proceeded to tell everyone after the wedding I lost 96 pounds (now it is 107 but whatever, she is old). This was embarrassing because she was telling people I never met before like boyfriends of cousins. She might as well have said "man, she used to be REALLY fat."
Comments were made by pretty much everyone. The groom and father of the groom commented multiple times. They even had me play a joke on someone by pretending to be a girl from a bar (someone thought I resembled her).
I think I made you all proud. I wore my heels and stood up tall. I sucked in what gut I have left (and wore a Spanx-type garment). I stood as much as possible (because my legs looked better that way). I stood until my toes were going numb from the heels and then I sat for a few and then I got back up to stand some more.
You can feel the eyes checking you out. I was looked up and down and up again (I am sure it was just out of amazement because of how I looked at the last wedding). I just soaked it in (and sucked it in) and smiled. Most of the comments came from the men. That surprised me.
Oh and Steve was there. My mother-in-law had gone to the rehearsal the night before and when he and his wife found out we were coming, they were so excited. I did not really talk to him until the reception. He made a few comments about me being snotty and not talking to him but really it was only because others were talking to me. When we were all finally standing together and talking and he was looking me up and down he commented that he did not remember me being so tall (6'1 in heels). I guess I made him feel small and I am okay with that. The in-laws needed to leave and they wanted us to stay. They offered to drive us and invited us to stay over at their house. Nice enough but no thanks. I love my in-laws and would never ditch them like that.
At Christmas, we may all go out to the bar to actually hang out. But not so much this time. I am okay with it. I am very happy with the appearance I made even if it was brief.
I think I figured out why that comment from Steve a year and a half ago (if it was him) bothered me so much. I know it was rude but more than that. He is me. I look at him and see myself. We are snarky and we think the same things. He is my mirror. He probably said something that I thought about myself but never said out loud. Either way, I forgive us both. However, if we think or say anything like that again, I just may have to kick some ass.
I hope you all had a super weekend and I look forward to catching up on blogs this week!
Friday, October 23, 2009
I enjoyed my weigh-in today actually - 182.4. That is a 4.6 pound loss since last Friday (which had that slight gain from lady troubles so I think this is a catch up week). That puts my total loss at just over 107 pounds. I wanted to hit 105 pounds before I left for this trip so I am grinning from ear to ear.
This also means that I am 7.4 pounds away from my goal of 175 (this may change). I think I am only about 8 pounds away from no longer being overweight. Wow! To think I will be in a "normal" weight range blows my mind. I was in a normal weight range for about a week (okay maybe a semester) in college but I still thought I was fat so I did not know it at the time. If I could go back, I would tell myself to get a grip and slut it up a bit more.
This time, I am healthy and getting fit. I am making sure I enjoy it all now.
I had a thought last night. I was talking to one of my turbo kickboxing instructors (who is like ubber-fit) and she has lost weight too. Like 80 pounds!! She is the 2nd instructor I have talked to who has lost a ton of weight. Now I cannot imagine either of these girls ever being even chubby but then again, they are now instructors.
They are so hard-core and inspiring, I really enjoy them. I find myself trying to tell new gym members what classes to try and encourage them to keep coming back. So now I wonder, is this what it is like to be a born-again Christian? I am not religious (just was brought up without belonging to one religion) so I do not really know. But I feel free - like a new person and I wish everyone could experience how awesome it feels. Is that what we are? Trying to spread the word of our savour - health and fitness? Just curious.
I hope you all have a killer week on the scale. You deserve it!! I may post again before the weekend is through. I plan on enjoying this wedding!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Well, today I noticed my belly hardly flops at all anymore. I am talking a significant reduction in the past 4 weeks. It made me so happy I decided to jump whenever possible so that I could experience no belly flopping. YAHOO!!! What a happy Tuesday. I think I have now become a spokes person for my gym - particularly the classes I take. Everytime someone new joins I always congratulate them on finishing (the first few times are so tough) and when they comment on my jumping around I have to tell them that 100 pounds ago I never jumped at all. In fact I thought the instructor was a total, hyper lunatic doing all that crazy stuff. Now that I can do it, I love to do it. The challenge kept me coming back (and still does) and hopefully they will too.
Also, when I was shopping at home (about 3 weeks ago), I bought my favorite jeans from my new favorite store (thank you Banana Republic) in a smaller size. When I tried them on they sat a little too low on the hips (because my ass was too big) and the button was so stressed it looked like it would take flight and someone might lose an eye. I have been going down in clothing sizes at a decent rate and I did not want to be without these jeans so I bought them.
And I wore them today, perfect fit. No one was even in danger of losing an eye. That means today I wore a smaller size than the picture I posted yesterday. Droopy drawers do not look good. Not even when you try and hold them up with a belt (another new accessory for me).
Another stupid side note - why are all halloween costumes so skanky? It's like an excuse to run around in your underwear. I am having trouble finding a fun costume that is not skanky. Also, the sizes are screwed up. My waist is big and the most of the regular costumes go up to a 30.5 inch waist. Then the plus sizes start at like 38. Hello? Are we missing a HUGE demographic here? Some costumes I thought were cute but might be good if I am ever pregnant at Halloween - I don't want to use them now. What is a girl to do?
May this week find you with less belly for flopping!
Monday, October 19, 2009
As some of you know, that top picture was me at my heaviest (289). I call it my oompa loompa picture. I looked in the mirror that morning (knowing I was going to take a pic with my class) and thought I looked decent. What the hell was I thinking? I obviously did not see what others saw. Until I saw that picture. There is no denying you are beyond a little chub when you look like that.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Hope you all have a great week!!
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Background knowledge you need to know before you read this story:
My husband is from Kansas. His parents are farmers. My husband is the nicest guy ever. EVER. He is also a people pleaser. He wants everyone to like him and is overly nice to people who do not deserve his friendship at times. My in-laws are awesome. I could not have married into a better family. My mother-in-law is a saint. She is perfect and I can only aspire to be half the woman she is (oh and she is super modest to boot). I am extremely lucky, this I know.
My mother-in-law is also one of nine children. That means lots of cousins (and they all look alike - medium build, 5'6ish, blonde, boobs, fit, size 6 - oh and super nice, you want to hate them but cannot). About once or twice a year we go back to Kansas for some holiday or event (a.k.a. tons of weddings). I first met his entire family at his sister's wedding about nine and a half years ago. I was a size 12 then. My weight gain occurred at a rate of about one pound per month over 8 years or so.
Let me set the scene for you:
On a weekend after work one Friday we drove the 6 hour drive to Kansas to go to yet another cousin's wedding. His family is a lot of fun. There are certain people I always seek out at these weddings and we hang out and have a great time. My husband always disappears and I rarely see him because he is always talking to EVERYONE or standing close to the bar (he likes to get his drink on, he likes everyone else to as well).
Here is the story:
We were at the reception of this fairly nice wedding. I am sporting my awesome formal, fat outfit - you know the one - standard black pants, nice top with some print covered with a black jacket because black is so slimming at 289 pounds. I have been dragged to the dance floor by one of the cousin's husbands (I am a bit of a spunky/spazzy dancer and have been ever since that first wedding so now the family loves to get me on the dance floor). The cousin that dragged me out there was the one I loved. He is super snarky and has a sick sense of humor, just like me (we will call him Steve...because that is his name). I would have to say I had a great time and was ready to go home to get ready for the upcoming school week on Sunday morning. My husband and I start the 6 hour trek back home when we start discussing the events of the previous night (since we spent most of our time apart).
He starts to tell me of a conversation he had with a cousin. He is not sure if it was Jeff (a preppy college grad whom has always been very polite) or Steve. Anywho, this cousin was talking about my husband and myself having kids. Here is how the conversation goes in the car:
Husband: He said that we would make great football players (we are both about 5'10 with muscular builds, at the time my husband was about 240 pounds and he has broad shoulders).
Me: Well I can see that. We are big people.
Husband: Then he said if we have a girl, he hoped she doesn't look like you.
Picture me speechless (hard I know). I look over at my husband to see if he is laughing. No laughter. This is not a joke. How am I suppose to respond to this?
Me: What did you say?
Husband: I don't remember.
In my head, I am screaming: What the hell do you mean you don't remember? How do you forget something like that? It happened just a few hours ago.
Me: Who said that? I want to know who said that.
Husband: I told you, I don't remember. It was either Steve or Jeff.
I just know it had to be Steve because he is the only one I believe to be rude enough to say such a thing. Why wouldn't he say it to my face? And who thinks it is okay to insult someone's wife like that? It's not like I had some genetic deformity where a third arm was growing out of my forehead. I was fat. Here is where my legs and insides start burning and I want to yell: You asshole!! How do you not defend me or say something back to that???? Turn this f**king car around, if you are not gonna stick up for me, I will. Being the nice guy does not mean people get to insult me and get away with it.
But I say nothing because it is too late now. But I am forced to sit next to my husband who I am now convinced is a pussy asshole in the car for the next six hours. I try to say nothing else. My mind races for hours over this comment and his lack of response.
After a few days I bury that horrific memory in the deep recesses of my mind. I bury it mostly because it made me lose some respect for my husband. Not just for the lack of response but if somebody said something so hurtful about him, I would have never repeated it to him. That, and I would have kicked some major ass over it. I do not have nice guy syndrome, I have pride.
This occurred in March. I made the decision to start getting healthy in July. These two events were not related (at least I don't believe they are). But once I started losing some weight, like in September, I felt the need to express my anger over this story, so I told best bud. She, of course, was super supportive and I felt much better.
For the most part I have kept that memory buried except for this summer when my husband said that Steve and the family wanted to come to Texas and stay at our house. It is his family (and he let my brother live with us for a while) so I could not say no but I did speak my mind. Or screamed it. I told him that I would never let someone who insulted him like that to come stay in our house. He had no idea what I was talking about. He said he has no recollection of that conversation with the cousin or with me in the car. ARE YOU F**KING KIDDING ME??? Something so crass and hurtful and you don't even remember it? I DO!! And I will for the rest of my life.
I tell you this story for one main reason. Next weekend I am going to Kansas. To a wedding. Of a cousin (not sure which one, and don't really care). Here is what I DO know. I am not wearing black pants. I am not wearing a print shirt or black jacket. I will be wearing a little black dress, heels, and a go f**k yourself attitude. And I must say, I have never look forward to a wedding more (maybe even my own).
This may not be why I lost the weight but it will be a nice little perk. I look forward to blogging that story next weekend so stay tuned.....
Friday, October 16, 2009
However, yesterday I saw a former student (now a 3rd grade). I had not seen her since June. Her mother brought her by to see me after school. When I opened my door, she jumped back because she was a little scared at first. Did not think it was me. She could not get over it. More stares and "you look so different" she was also making shapes with her hands to show me smaller. So cute! I will hold on to that thought instead of the scale today.
So, I decided to write a serious post tomorrow. I have a fat story to tell. I have always said I do not have horrific fat stories to tell like others do and for the most part, that is true. I do have plans next weekend that keep bringing this memory back to me. I am going to share it tomorrow. It happened to me a year and a half ago. I am not sharing in order to have you feel sorry for me (none of us like that) or drudge up your horrible memories. It will probably be relevant to future posts, that's all. I am still grateful that I escaped my morbid obesity relatively unscathed.
Anywho, I must go run now (literally). Hope you have a super Friday and you have better weigh-ins than I.
Also, I noticed today that I am up to 95 followers! Holy cow! You all are so awesome. Maybe someday I will hit 100. I guess that can be my next NSV goal. Thanks for reading my dribble all the time. I love reading your blogs too!!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
I even cleaned out most of the dresser. I say most because I missed a drawer. The one on the top. You know the one....the one with the undies in it. Even though I have cleaned things out twice I have only bought new undies once. I got a bunch of Hanes at Wally World (which I hate shopping at but they are for the thrifty shopper) because I do not believe in wasting money and I was not sure what size to get. When I was only shopping at Lane Bryant, the decision was easy. But now, I feel like I am trying to learn the metric system because things are sized differently. Yet, I will adjust.
This morning, I opened that top drawer and noticed some black undies. Since I was wearing black pants I thought they would work well, so I grabbed them. Sidenote - ever since losing weight I try not buy things in black, even undies, because it seems like that was all I use to own (you know, because it so slimming - sometimes).
All I had to do was put them on to realize that they were a little.....shall we say.....unattractive but roomy! Did I take them off? Nope, just wore them. Without too much trouble, until Zumba. Here is a lesson learned: when you take a dancy class with lots of twisting, extra roomy undies will go straight up your bum crack everytime! Thank goodness I was in the back corner where I could re-adjust quite easily. Still not a pleasant sight, I am sure.
When I got home and changed out of them, did I throw them away? Nope. They are sitting in my dirty clothes pile. Note to self - when you finally finish blogging and get off your lazy arse....throw out those damn wedgie givers!
So please take the time to get rid of your old clothes (I know if feels good when they hang off your butt - a true measure of your accomplishments - but they look dreadful. Yes, they really do!) and don't forget that top drawer!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Best bud's twin daughters are the cutest kids ever. This is a picture she took on Saturday while we were playing. Just so you know, she did have a dress on but we were getting ready to take a bath, hence the cool new look. How cute are kids in onesies and leg warmers? I have a feeling it would not be so cute on us. Also, the other daughter was there and just as cute, just not in this particular photo (it is impossible to get two 18 month olds to sit for a picture).
I find inspiration in this photo. It makes me want to hit my goal so I can have a baby. I want to be able to run around (or roll around on the floor) and be active with my kids the way best bud is with hers. Even if I never have a baby, I want to be all I can for these two girls. Best bud has been the one greatest support on my journey. Even though she has never been over-weight, in fact quite the opposite she used to be extremely thin (now she is normal and healthy), she seems to understand the struggles. Maybe not all of them, but most of them. I hope that I can be at least half the mom she is to her girls.
I really look at this photo and think - man she is enjoying life. This precious little girl does not care about her weight, she just living her life out loud. I am doing more of that these days and I will continue to do so. So I share with you hoping that you will live your life out loud (no matter what your size is).
Another story from my trip:
Did your mother ever teach you that it is not polite to stare? Well someone should teach my mother that. And my niece. I remember when my journey first started and I had lost about 10 pounds, I went to lunch with some old co-workers. I remember having a salad and water while they ate bread, appetizers, entrees and sodas. No one ever commented on what I was eating but I remember screaming in my head "Don't you notice what good choices I made? Don't you see me restraining myself? Don't you see the 10 pounds I lost?"
Which of course they didn't notice because I was still so big (about 275 or so). After a few of those lunches I had to say to myself that it is okay if no one notices my changes. I am not doing it for anyone but me. Just keep on with it and the results will come.
Those changes have been noticed now my friends. Everyone wants to know how I did it. They are not too impressed with the answer of lots of exercise and calorie counting. They think that is too hard. Well it is not easy but it is easier than having surgery or paying lots of money for a diet program and then going back to old habits and gaining the weight back.
At dinner one night my niece stared at me a LOT. It was creeping me out. She even wanted to know exactly what make-up I was wearing. She just turned 13 and is over-weight. That night she asked my sister if she could join Medical Weight Loss. So sad. I do not know anything about that program but I know enough about my family to know that that is not what she needs.
As I packed my bags on my last night my mother sat and watched and stared at me. Even though I am a teacher and I am used to people looking at me, the staring of my family was just a bit much.
So aside from wonderful, sweet comments about the body transformation and the staring, I was also asked by every family member if I had gotten taller. I have been the same height since 9th grade (1993). All I can think is that I am less hunched over with less weight or I walk with more confidence. I am going to go with the later thought.
So walk proud and tall and live your life out loud today. Happy Columbus Day!
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
So my 1.6 pound gain is gone and my official weigh-in for the week is 186.2 which puts me down one pound. Not too shabby friends. When I was updating my ticker, I realized something. When I began this blog in December (when I was down 40 pounds so I was 248), I picked an orginal goal weight of 185 thinking I would never achieve it. Well I have since changed that goal to 175 but I cannot help but think I am only 1.2 pounds away from that first impossible goal. I may change my goal again but let's see if I can hit 175 first.
This is quite a fun and unique journey, thanks for supporting me along the way. I cannot wait for this weekend to read up on your blogs and post more about my trip. Also, can't wait to see what TJ is cooking over on her blog....I may attempt a new recipe in the kitchen and I am hoping to find something healthy to make. Do you all have any suggestions?
Happy Friday you losers!
Monday, October 5, 2009
But that is not the reason for this post. The damage assessment was done this morning. My weight is at 188.8. That is a 1.6 pound gain. I'll take it. I wanted to stay at around 3 pounds. I have done worse with good eating habits. I ate too much, too often. I drank (multiple times) and did not do much exercise. However, I could have done worse. On the flip side, I could have done better. My mother gained 4 pounds (I am sure drinking water will help her out).
The surprise went off well. She was shocked to say the least and I wore her arse out running all over the place. I will post more at a later date. Time to endure the punishment of running this morning.
Can't wait to catch up on your blogs and get back in the swing of things. Oh, and speaking of damage, poor best bud busted her knee while I was gone. I made it over yesterday and she is hobbling around (although she does hobble pretty well) and it is sad. I tell you nothing slows this girl down but things sure do try. So I will be over there a bit more this week. I do not mind as I truly enjoy her and the twins. I just feel bad that she got hurt, especially when I was not here to help.
Have a great weight loss week!!!
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Today I leave for Michigan! I have not seen anyone there since Christmas. I had lost 40 pounds then. I have since lost an additional 62.6 pounds. Oh, it is going to be fun. I will be surprising my mom tomorrow at lunch time. I am going to video tape it so we can all have a good laugh later.
I weighed in early since I will not be here tomorrow. New weight is 187.2. Woohoo! Since last Friday, my weight is down 3.2 pounds. Pretty awesome I'd say.
I have been running around all crazy buying things, taking my vehicle in for some work while I am gone. I am still going to run to the gym this morning so I miss as little time as possible. I do plan on eating lots of carmel apples, donut, apple cider and whatever else (hello Greek food) comes my way. I will try to limit it a bit and see if I can't keep my gain to a minimum. I have packed some workout stuff however, my schedule is very tight.
Hope you all have a good weekend and I will check in with you when I return!