Saturday, October 17, 2009

Sad Story is my sad fat story.

Background knowledge you need to know before you read this story:

My husband is from Kansas. His parents are farmers. My husband is the nicest guy ever. EVER. He is also a people pleaser. He wants everyone to like him and is overly nice to people who do not deserve his friendship at times. My in-laws are awesome. I could not have married into a better family. My mother-in-law is a saint. She is perfect and I can only aspire to be half the woman she is (oh and she is super modest to boot). I am extremely lucky, this I know.

My mother-in-law is also one of nine children. That means lots of cousins (and they all look alike - medium build, 5'6ish, blonde, boobs, fit, size 6 - oh and super nice, you want to hate them but cannot). About once or twice a year we go back to Kansas for some holiday or event (a.k.a. tons of weddings). I first met his entire family at his sister's wedding about nine and a half years ago. I was a size 12 then. My weight gain occurred at a rate of about one pound per month over 8 years or so.

Let me set the scene for you:

On a weekend after work one Friday we drove the 6 hour drive to Kansas to go to yet another cousin's wedding. His family is a lot of fun. There are certain people I always seek out at these weddings and we hang out and have a great time. My husband always disappears and I rarely see him because he is always talking to EVERYONE or standing close to the bar (he likes to get his drink on, he likes everyone else to as well).

Here is the story:

We were at the reception of this fairly nice wedding. I am sporting my awesome formal, fat outfit - you know the one - standard black pants, nice top with some print covered with a black jacket because black is so slimming at 289 pounds. I have been dragged to the dance floor by one of the cousin's husbands (I am a bit of a spunky/spazzy dancer and have been ever since that first wedding so now the family loves to get me on the dance floor). The cousin that dragged me out there was the one I loved. He is super snarky and has a sick sense of humor, just like me (we will call him Steve...because that is his name). I would have to say I had a great time and was ready to go home to get ready for the upcoming school week on Sunday morning. My husband and I start the 6 hour trek back home when we start discussing the events of the previous night (since we spent most of our time apart).

He starts to tell me of a conversation he had with a cousin. He is not sure if it was Jeff (a preppy college grad whom has always been very polite) or Steve. Anywho, this cousin was talking about my husband and myself having kids. Here is how the conversation goes in the car:

Husband: He said that we would make great football players (we are both about 5'10 with muscular builds, at the time my husband was about 240 pounds and he has broad shoulders).

Me: Well I can see that. We are big people.

Husband: Then he said if we have a girl, he hoped she doesn't look like you.

Picture me speechless (hard I know). I look over at my husband to see if he is laughing. No laughter. This is not a joke. How am I suppose to respond to this?

Me: What did you say?

Husband: I don't remember.

In my head, I am screaming: What the hell do you mean you don't remember? How do you forget something like that? It happened just a few hours ago.

Me: Who said that? I want to know who said that.

Husband: I told you, I don't remember. It was either Steve or Jeff.

I just know it had to be Steve because he is the only one I believe to be rude enough to say such a thing. Why wouldn't he say it to my face? And who thinks it is okay to insult someone's wife like that? It's not like I had some genetic deformity where a third arm was growing out of my forehead. I was fat. Here is where my legs and insides start burning and I want to yell: You asshole!! How do you not defend me or say something back to that???? Turn this f**king car around, if you are not gonna stick up for me, I will. Being the nice guy does not mean people get to insult me and get away with it.

But I say nothing because it is too late now. But I am forced to sit next to my husband who I am now convinced is a pussy asshole in the car for the next six hours. I try to say nothing else. My mind races for hours over this comment and his lack of response.

After a few days I bury that horrific memory in the deep recesses of my mind. I bury it mostly because it made me lose some respect for my husband. Not just for the lack of response but if somebody said something so hurtful about him, I would have never repeated it to him. That, and I would have kicked some major ass over it. I do not have nice guy syndrome, I have pride.

This occurred in March. I made the decision to start getting healthy in July. These two events were not related (at least I don't believe they are). But once I started losing some weight, like in September, I felt the need to express my anger over this story, so I told best bud. She, of course, was super supportive and I felt much better.

For the most part I have kept that memory buried except for this summer when my husband said that Steve and the family wanted to come to Texas and stay at our house. It is his family (and he let my brother live with us for a while) so I could not say no but I did speak my mind. Or screamed it. I told him that I would never let someone who insulted him like that to come stay in our house. He had no idea what I was talking about. He said he has no recollection of that conversation with the cousin or with me in the car. ARE YOU F**KING KIDDING ME??? Something so crass and hurtful and you don't even remember it? I DO!! And I will for the rest of my life.

I tell you this story for one main reason. Next weekend I am going to Kansas. To a wedding. Of a cousin (not sure which one, and don't really care). Here is what I DO know. I am not wearing black pants. I am not wearing a print shirt or black jacket. I will be wearing a little black dress, heels, and a go f**k yourself attitude. And I must say, I have never look forward to a wedding more (maybe even my own).

This may not be why I lost the weight but it will be a nice little perk. I look forward to blogging that story next weekend so stay tuned.....


Jenn said...

Oh man. Guys just don't get it sometimes. I'm sorry about what happened there - both for the cousin who made such a rude remark, and for your husband's lack of valor in the moment.
I can't wait to hear about the next wedding when you strut your stuff in your little dress!!! It's the best revenge, I think.

Beth said...

I can't wait!

Cindy said...

Wow, that is awful. I hate people who say such rude things, as if being overweight is worse than having some sort of actual physical deformity.

TJ said...

I cant wait for part TWO! YOU GO GIRL! Be proud of how far you have come! You are BEAUTIFUL and do not let anyone ever make you feel anything less that that! xoxo

Laura said...

I am soo excited to read the follow up to this story! You walk into that reception hall with you shoulders back and boobs pushed out! Show them all what you got!

Deb said...

Wow, I can't imagine that guy saying something like that to your husband. What an utter douche.

I hope you knock 'em dead at the wedding.

Priroda said...

I can relate to your post in so many ways. I can't wait to hear part two! Have the time of your life! You deserve it after all your hard work!!!!!

Hallie said...

That's the kind of thing that would cause me to be violent. You don't say something like that to someone about their wife. You don't tell your wife someone said that to you. You do not dehumanize, defeminize, and devalue a woman like that. ARGH! I want to hit him.

Linda P. said...

I'm the first one to admit that the greatest revenge is looking great, but, remember, you don't even know if it was Steve or Jeff who said that. And there's plenty of fat prejudice out in the world, some of the worst fat prejudice ever directed at me was FROM me - I always thought I looked crappy and ugly fat.

Personally, I would go to the wedding holding no grudges at all. Be the joy you've always been to your husband's family, the life of the party, and remember that you're of greater spirit than some stupid, probably drunkenly uttered comments from two years ago.

FollowMeDown30 said...

I would have been pissed off as well. At hubby & the cousin. I am like you though-I don't have many embarrassing fat stories.

BTW-I am from Kansas too!

spunkysuzi said...

You go girl :)

sian-girlgetstrong said...

I would be very pissed off too...maybe he meant something else than he said??!!maybe just maybe??!! anyway, have the time of your life and life is too short to carry any grudges...bury it for now until the time is right! I love you site

Angie P said...

you go girl - definatly a nice perk to the weightloss. You'll be kisking a$$ and taking names!

The Road Curves Ahead said...

That is crazy! Sometimes guys can be so blind.

You will rock that little black dress!

big_mummy said...

ok for sure i wish you could wear a concealed camera somehow so we could see the looks on faces, and i totally believe you should ask steve for a dance and make some kind of bitchy comment lol. but hey thats just me, and i am a bitch :)

wildfluffysheep said...

what a story girl!
oh my days. i have lots of horrid fat stories but that one is pretty harsh.

you bloody well rock that wedding, missus! i hope you have a frickin' blast and show them what you're really about.

<3 cause you're HAWT.

What a Splurge said...

I'm not sure what hurt you more: the knuckle scraper's comment or your husband's failure to speak up and, furthermore, tell you about it. I suspect the latter. Go next time and hold your head high. You are more evolved than either of them.

Scott Mullins said...

Go get em girl. Sexy black dress, FMP's and a new attitude will make you the star of the night. You may even outshine the bride!