Winner, winner chicken (soup) dinner

Thank you all who entered. You can be quite clever. I enjoy it. I have some other questionable pictures (not of me or the babies) that I think would be fun (yet tacky) to post for your captioning. Um....I will ponder that.

So the soup winner is A Thinner Katie. If you have not checked out her blog, you should. She just hit 60 pounds lost! Woohoo!!! Inspirational. And she has 2 small children. Amazing. Not sure how you all do it.

This week has been weird to say the least. I must confess I had 3 cheat meals last weekend. Yup, 3. I ate well during the day it was just 3 dinners but then again that is a bit much. I have been in eating mode ever since. Not bad things really just like some extra baked chips here, handful of almonds there, etc.

I have discovered almonds. Yum. I used to be a nut hater. Not anymore. Especially the honey roasted almonds. Addictive.

I also have not been feeling great this week. I am still working out a ton. In fact, Monday I did 2 hours of body attack. My body has been tired ever since. I want to take a day off from work to sleep. When you teach it is not really worth a day off but I want to. I even got a big wave of nausea yesterday. I had ask the kids a few times to back away. Not enjoyable. At all.

I am thinking it is sinuses or lady troubles or a combination. Lucky me! If I still feel yucky after school I might just not workout (I cannot believe I typed that) and take a nap.

Yesterday before I worked out I had to stop at the store and buy some almonds and strawberries to eat. This is how I know I have changed. I am a fruit hater too but man I had to have some strawberries (and a few almonds). I only ate a few but after my killer workout I ate more. Didn't count those calories either. So not like me.

This week may see a huge gain on the scale. Oh well. Maybe next week I will feel like my old self. I am not disappointed in this week though. I guess you just have to deal with feeling different sometimes. This is new to me as I usually always feel the same. I look forward to the weekend and some extra sleep.

Have an enjoyable day!

My Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters...

...I thank the lord there's people out there like you.

HOLLA!!! Over 100 followers. You all rock! I have to tell you that I would not have come this far without this community. It is my therapy (only cheaper, so thanks). Like group therapy, kinda like I am in rehab learning how to create a new life. It works, if you work it.

Your comments have been awesome. They make me laugh, they make me feel better, they let me know that I am so not alone. I also really enjoy your blogs. I try to comment as much as possible but please know, sometimes I am reading them even if I do not have time to leave a comment. Your thoughts and feelings matter. I care about what you have to say. And I am not the only one so please keep it going!

Questions for you. Have you tried P90X? I hear nothing but awesome things about it and how ripped people get (and how super hard it is). I am a little confused as to how it works but I was thinking about getting it this weekend. Also, I want one of those calorie burning heart monitor watch things (technical terms, I know). Which one should I buy? I want a good one. Not that you all want a crappy one, I just don't want to get one and have to replace it.

So again, THANK YOU for all you have done to help me. I will do my best to return the favor. Let me know if you have any questions. I would love to answer some. Off to watch Biggest Loser!

Don't Stop Believin'

Do you ever feel like God (or some higher power) is trying to send you a message?

I do. Especially the last two weeks. I really started to question my decision to take on this entire weight loss project myself (sans trainer). Would I be able to do it? Will I still make progress in the right areas? What if this is as far as I get? What if I gain some weight back?

Then I heard it. A line from the song by Journey - Don't Stop Believin'

I have heard it everyday. Usually I turn on the radio and it is right at that part of the chorus. Different stations. One day I turned on the tv and it was playing a rerun of the series finale of the Sopranos. You know, where they are in the diner and that song is playing and then it cuts to black? I think this is my message. I think this because I do not remember hearing this song very often before last week. Now - everyday. So I bought it on iTunes and decided to play it for inspiration. Why not?

That said, this week is rough. I have to give a presentation tomorrow. We teachers are working like dogs and then sitting in boring meetings that make us feel overwhelmed. Eating has not been perfect this week - I fear a gain on Friday. This is the worst week for food I have had in a LONG time. It is not that bad but not great either.

However, I have worked out everyday. Including Sunday, I no longer have a day off. I did 3 days of weight training myself and it seems to be working well. The other days are classes and Saturdays are double workout days. I also started running with the dogs again in the morning (during fat camp we just walked but they were getting fat so now we must run).

I just need to make it through this month without doing too much damage and in September routines will fall back into place. So until then I just need to remember to Don't Stop Believin'!!

Well I Was Right

...lady troubles arrived today. I had to take some major drugs so I could workout. I did feel much better after workout. Those damn lady troubles. Let me tell you, I knew this doom was coming in the next week or so. Of course it would arrive the day before my weigh-in and when I am so close to onederland. Timing sucks. My cycle can have a tendency to ruin two weigh-ins in a row. One week leading up to it and the week of (damn water retention and bloating). I hope I will only have one bad week because my time at fat camp time is running out.

Want some random story/news? Sure you do, who doesn't? The first story contains TMI, I am aware of this. Consider yourselves warned.

Story#1 dates back to Tuesday night. No kickboxing. It was bootcamp. I was a little pissy about it but I did kick some butt. After that, I stayed for yoga. I have been taking yoga because I need a lot more stretching. I would have never thought my biggest workout fear would come true in that class. What is my fear? I am sure you have it too. Days when you are gassy and you workout anyway because you need to and just hope your body complies. For a year I have had this fear about once every two weeks but I have stayed in control. But not Tuesday. I was not even gassy. And it was quiet. We went to a standing pose and I tooted - loudly. Did I get a reaction? Nope, everyone kept on concentrating - except me. I could not stop laughing (yes, I am the most immature person I know). I almost left because, seriously, how annoying can I be? But I eventually got myself under control. So my fear came true and it could have been worse (it could have been loud AND stinky). Hopefully I will not have to relive this experience.

Story #2. I went shopping today. I had a 15% off coupon for Kohls. I went for more workout shorts but when I did not find what I wanted, I went to the regular clothes. I picked up a bunch of tops, dresses, some pants and a skirt. I even got some stuff from the juniors section (I know I am too old for that section but the clothes are so cute I just wanted to try them on). I picked up a size 12 jean and skirt just to see how far off I am from them fitting. I got the skirt almost all the way zipped. I needed another inch or so. I put one leg in the jeans and thought, I will never get these over my hips. But I did. And then they buttoned and zipped. OMG! I cannot tell you the last time I wore or owned anything that was a size 12. About 10 years ago I guess and I was 20 pounds lighter than I am now. Aside from the muffin top, these jeans looked GOOD! They made my ass look nice and my legs look skinny. I wanted to buy them but they were $50. I may go back and get them. It was an exciting moment.

Other than that, it has been working out, swimming and napping (of course). Man I will miss napping when school starts. Okay enough of my rambling, time to read your blogs!

Feeling Bitchy

Man. I gotta say I think I have PMS today. Which is weird because that is not something that usually happens to me. Like, ever. I get HORRIBLE pain when I have lady troubles (sorry for this post boys) but never am I emotional.

I cry about twice a year. This is no exaggeration. Sometimes people think I am cold but I cannot help it if I cannot cry (this especially upsets people if I do not cry at sad movies).

Yesterday I was watching one of the Biggest Loser Finales and started to cry. I was so proud for them and myself. They have great stories. So what do I do? Rewind and watch the part that made me cry again. Out of character for me really. Throughout this journey I have not cried about it. Not about how I got fat, not about getting stuck, not about losing it. But this week I am still flying high. I feel so great. I actually feel proud and accomplished. It made me run farther and faster yesterday. This pride has made me cry. Seems weird to me but this probably happens to others (right?).

Today, no tears. However, my husband came home for a little while for the pool guy to do something and I just wanted him to leave. I wanted to scream "Get out of my way!!" "When you are done with silverware, put it in the dishwasher. How hard is that?"

Anyone who knows my husband knows he is awesome and would never deserve to hear those things so I just screamed in my head until he left. Now I feel like I can relax. I need to concentrate on things and he is distracting (like when I am trying for HOURS to recover any data from our crashed motherboard and he is asking me questions about it - just let me do it and we can discuss it later).

Maybe he was concerned when I told him I was gonna go all "Office Space" on the old computer and beat the crap out of it.

Man I hope this attitude passes quickly. If this is PMS, I am not enjoying it. Do drugs help it? I like to pop pills if they make things better quickly.

So far today I have done one workout - bodypump. It was pretty good. I love kick-ass instructors. She burned up my muscles. The good news is there was no drama and my shoes were dry. Of course, I was at lady gym. We will see how tomorrow is at the training studio. I have two more workouts today. Perhaps they will make me less bitchy. Wish me luck on that!

Why Did I Get Fat?

I really want this weight loss to be permanent. So I have studied up on weight loss, diets, exercise, metabolism, etc. One of the things that I have noticed is that experts believe that if you do not want to put the weight back on, you need to deal with the issues of why you put it on in the 1st place.

I have thought about this for at least 8 months. I am still clueless. I think I just liked to eat in excess and not move. I drank a lot too.

I was never small. Or medium for that matter. The smallest I ever was, was a large or size 12 and that was in middle school and high school. My weight went up about 30 pounds the first two years of college but went way down my Senior year (due to seven kinesiology classes and lots of walking on campus).

I gained about 100 pounds once I moved to Texas but it took about 8 years. That is an average of just over one pound per month. Not too noticeable at first, but boy does it rack up.

My best friend and I moved here together and within a year our friendship soured and she moved back home. We are no longer in contact but that is a good thing for me (she had serious emotional issues that she took out on me). My life has gone nowhere but up since she left (including my weight). Side note- I had an awesome childhood. It was strange but nothing traumatic ever happened to me.

So I ask myself again.....why did I get so fat? I just do not have an answer. I really thought my body would top out at some point. Even though I have seen shows where people weigh 900+ pounds, I thought that I would stop at some point. I thought my body would say "230....that is your limit. Keep eating but you will not gain anymore weight."

Um.....I was so wrong. The day I weighed in at 288.5, I realized 300 was right around the corner and that I could end up bed ridden or have a stroke and my husband would have to put me in a home. That is no way to live. We also want to start a family and it is not fair to a baby to get pregnant the way I was.

So I have changed. I am pretty sure it is forever. I will have to take it day by day like an alcoholic but I have been doing it for almost a year and love it. So, do I really need a reason for why I got fat other than I was lazy and liked to eat? Does it HAVE to be something deeper than that?

I am not in therapy. Maybe I should be, but I consider you all like my group therapy sessions. I am trying to do the work, it is just difficult to find the right answers.

Also - Fat camp is kicking my ass this week. I am going out of town for the 4th so I am really working hard Mon through Thurs. 4 straight days with my trainer is pain enough in itself. Not to mention all the turbo kickbooxing, zumba and yoga (although this is pretty much like relaxing). Today I had to leg press 360 pounds. I also felt the need to tell my trainer I was not a dude. He did not care and I had to do it anyway. My legs and ass better look really good by the end of the summer.

I have peeked at the scale this week (bad idea with the lady troubles) and it has not been kind. I am hoping that by Friday morning some of the water weight will go away. Did you hear that water weight? GO AWAY!

I feel better. Thanks for listening. It is almost time for another Zumba class with my favorite instructor. That will cheer me up. Peace out!

Unofficial Weigh-In

Okay I know I should only weigh-in once a week and I really need to just put the scale away for a while but it is such an obsession. So this morning I weighed in at 223, which puts me back down to my lowest number to date. 65.5 pounds lost. I am still in the 220s.

Sometimes I wonder if this is just as good as it is gonna get. Deep down I think there is much more to lose. My best bud was telling me that the last 20 pounds are the hardest and that is why so many of us are carrying around an extra 20 pounds. However, I am not down to my last 20 yet. I have like 50 more I would like to get rid of. I plan to just keep trying to stick to it and hopefully I will break through this plateau.

My attitude is actually better (believe it or not). Once I am out for the summer I am going to add an hour of cardio - like kick boxing classes from the lady gym. Also, by then the pool should be warm enough for real swimming. I am thinking this will have to help me through.

Have you hit any plateaus? What have you done to over come it or break through it?

Biggest Loser Revealed

And it isn't me. Today was weigh-in day. Gained another half pound. I did eat out twice but I was not too much over my calories. I also worked out alot. It sucks when there is a simple mathematical formula for weight loss (calories in - calories out = hopefully a calorie deficit of at least 3500) which should yield a loss of at least one pound per week and it is not working for me. Would someone please explain that to my body?

So yesterday was really a Charlie Brown day for me. You know what I mean? Nothing goes right and was totally like a Debbie Downer. I even depressed my trainer. He was not prepared for it. Here were the thoughts in my head:

1. The kids took a writing test and did sucky on the composition but in reality they are pretty decent writers
2. I am trying to finish all assessments for the year but they are never ending (really I have tested and taught them how to take tests for the past 30 days and it super sucks for all of us)
3. I have 13 days of school left to pack up all my crap and I am trying to be organized about it
4. I started to see a dermatologist for my acne and it is not getting any better yet so I have to keep trying this stuff for another 6 weeks and if it doesn't improve I have to start all over from scratch
5. I have weighed in the 220s for a LONG time now. I want to have a decent drop soon
6. My knees started hurting again (I had this problem when I first started working out a lot)
7. My hamstrings are always tight which makes me even less flexible when I stretch (and hurts a bit)
8. I ran for a mile at a 6.7 on the treadmill and was sucking wind pretty bad

All of this made me feel like I was making negative progress. Now I still get comments daily but since my weight has not moved in the last month I feel like a fraud accepting the complements.

I do realize every one's journey is different. Evidently mine is long, slow and bloated (I really feel like my stomach is bloated all the time even though it is way smaller than before and i cut back on diet cokes and sodium).

As for biggest loser (which I will be sad not to see again until the fall), I am surprised. Helen is the LAST contestant I ever expected to win. I am sad she won. That should have been her daughter, she seems pretty selfish to me. And what is with that hair? Good lord, fix it already. That saggy skin really made her look old. But did you see Jerry? Way to go old man!! He is a true inspiration. He was only on the ranch for two weeks and lost 177 pounds? He is totally rockin' it. I'd say everyone else looked pretty good. Tara and Laura look like completely different people. So did Sione, Filipe and Kristin. I "heart" them all. Let's hope they all keep it off.

Today is my anniversary. I way 20 pounds less than the day I got married so I am happy about that. My husband cooked my favorite thing he makes - teryaki chicken wings (grilled, I am not a fan of fried food). Then we went for a jeep ride to get the best ice cream ever. So obviously I did not count calories tonight. I think I will put the scale away for a while. Especially if I keep screwing up the calorie calculations with too many calories in.

Hope you all had a good week. May we all be a big bunch of losers!

Feeling Light

So evidently, today was the day. The day I actually felt....light. I am still extremely large, don't get me wrong. I am aware. However, I felt light. My trainer had to cancel because he was sick. Last night I had to go to a retirement dinner and my body really wanted to workout today (crazy I know). I could not go two nights in a row without a good sweat. So I quickly changed and headed to my fancy lady gym for a class I have not taken in months - Zumba. It is like a latin dance, semi-aerobic class. The difficulty and amount you sweat depends on the instructor. Tonight's instructor was great!

There is something I love about large group aerobic classes (as long as no one invades my personal space). Looking up at the mirror and seeing everyone move in unison (as long as I am not screwing it up) to good music makes me really happy for some reason. I increased the intensity where I could. I loved it! I miss group classes. I plan to take more when I am out of school for the summer. Anywho, I felt light. Like I am almost 60 pounds less heavy, kind of light.

I am not totally retarded. I noticed a difference at about 30 pounds. But mostly because I started getting cold so easily. I keep socks in my purse and always have a sweater now because I get cold all the time. Less fat, less insulation I guess.

All day today I felt like I was floating. Except when I was running with the dogs this morning. Running makes me feel heavy. It is easier than when I started running (I was about 270 pounds when I started that lovely venture), but it will never be an easy task for me. Otherwise, today I felt awesome! I could have done Zumba for another hour. I know what your thinking.....I hate her......I have days when I hate people like this too but lately I am so happy to workout and see what I can do now.

Want to know what I discovered on Monday? My trainer knows I hate squats, so I have been doing lunges (about 50 different ways) for months. Monday he decided it was time for squats. One-legged squats. ONE-LEGGED! But I could do them. He has lost his marbles. Maybe this is why Zumba was so refreshing for me.

So I am curious.....do you feel lighter? When did you notice?