Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Why Did I Get Fat?

I really want this weight loss to be permanent. So I have studied up on weight loss, diets, exercise, metabolism, etc. One of the things that I have noticed is that experts believe that if you do not want to put the weight back on, you need to deal with the issues of why you put it on in the 1st place.

I have thought about this for at least 8 months. I am still clueless. I think I just liked to eat in excess and not move. I drank a lot too.

I was never small. Or medium for that matter. The smallest I ever was, was a large or size 12 and that was in middle school and high school. My weight went up about 30 pounds the first two years of college but went way down my Senior year (due to seven kinesiology classes and lots of walking on campus).

I gained about 100 pounds once I moved to Texas but it took about 8 years. That is an average of just over one pound per month. Not too noticeable at first, but boy does it rack up.

My best friend and I moved here together and within a year our friendship soured and she moved back home. We are no longer in contact but that is a good thing for me (she had serious emotional issues that she took out on me). My life has gone nowhere but up since she left (including my weight). Side note- I had an awesome childhood. It was strange but nothing traumatic ever happened to me.

So I ask myself again.....why did I get so fat? I just do not have an answer. I really thought my body would top out at some point. Even though I have seen shows where people weigh 900+ pounds, I thought that I would stop at some point. I thought my body would say "230....that is your limit. Keep eating but you will not gain anymore weight."

Um.....I was so wrong. The day I weighed in at 288.5, I realized 300 was right around the corner and that I could end up bed ridden or have a stroke and my husband would have to put me in a home. That is no way to live. We also want to start a family and it is not fair to a baby to get pregnant the way I was.

So I have changed. I am pretty sure it is forever. I will have to take it day by day like an alcoholic but I have been doing it for almost a year and love it. So, do I really need a reason for why I got fat other than I was lazy and liked to eat? Does it HAVE to be something deeper than that?

I am not in therapy. Maybe I should be, but I consider you all like my group therapy sessions. I am trying to do the work, it is just difficult to find the right answers.

Also - Fat camp is kicking my ass this week. I am going out of town for the 4th so I am really working hard Mon through Thurs. 4 straight days with my trainer is pain enough in itself. Not to mention all the turbo kickbooxing, zumba and yoga (although this is pretty much like relaxing). Today I had to leg press 360 pounds. I also felt the need to tell my trainer I was not a dude. He did not care and I had to do it anyway. My legs and ass better look really good by the end of the summer.

I have peeked at the scale this week (bad idea with the lady troubles) and it has not been kind. I am hoping that by Friday morning some of the water weight will go away. Did you hear that water weight? GO AWAY!

I feel better. Thanks for listening. It is almost time for another Zumba class with my favorite instructor. That will cheer me up. Peace out!

9 comments:

Melanie said...

Great post. I have asked myself this same question a hundred times. I had a good childhood too. The only thing I can even remotely think of is how my mom was always obsessed about her weight and then she put me on diet pills when I was 10. I think I developed that feeling of never being good enough. I saw her negative self-esteem and she passed that on to me. I'm really struggling to work past this by going to Overeaters Anonymous. Slowly it's helping.

Aimee said...

i loved this post! i do not know why i am fat either - other than eating more than i'm supposed to. my childhood was very screwed up, but i feel kinda normal, despite that. food tastes good so i eat it. seems simple enough.

do you love having a personal trainer? sometimes i wish i had one for just a little while - at least to tell me what i should do, workout wise.

Karen said...

You know, I feel like I could have written this post.

I've lost weight in the past (never this much, previously the most I'd lost at a time was 45 lbs or so) but this time feels so different, like I'm making a permanent change.

I too am searching for the reasons I weighed so much, it's not fun trying to figure it out but maybe it will help us keep it off for good!

Good luck!

*Fitcetera* said...

I don't ask myself this anymore. It really doesn't matter to me why but HOW do I go about getting rid of the fat NOW.
I have been in therapy to help change my thinking & beliefs & that's helped alot. I had some dysfunctional thinking going on that really needed changing. And as it's changing, so is my attitude toward food.

You've had amazing weight loss success so far!

Crys said...

I think you're asking the right questions. The reality is there is an underlying thought or behavior that gives way to overeating and it's good to get to the root of that. It wasn't until I started counseling to get approval for gastric bypass that I really started to ask myself the question.

A lot of people who have surgery, but don't address the "why" end up participating in other excessive/obsessive behaviors - drinking, drugs, shopping, etc. Once I got to my "why", I decided this was something I could do without surgery (I think :)). For me, the "why" was around balance and control. I have a therapist this go around and it's been the best thing I ever did.

You're asking yourself the question and I think that's important. Keep up the amazing work!

wildfluffysheep said...

Great post. Really made me think. And I think I just really loved to eat. Loved it beyond most things. Sometimes maybe it is that simple. No deep rooted issues or depression. I just loved to eat. And not exercise. Simples.

Lisa said...

I KNOw how I got here... to much ice cream! lol j.k. I live in TX too...

Losing Waist! said...

I LOVE THERAPY!!

I just had to let you know this. I must say that "peeking" at the scale is one of the things that keeps me IN therapy. I want to get to a point to where I am less dependent on the numbers. Right now (once a week) it is okay to rely on the scale, but in another 80, 100, or whatever... I need to separate myself from it.

I would recomend therapy to anyone, but especially if you do feel like you have some unexplored areas of yourself...

LOVE THERAPY!!

Sarah said...

Great post, I think for some, like you and me, there is no real deep reason why we got fat, especially if we started out that way as a kid. I was an obese child, teenager and young adult. I didn't know any better, but as my health started to decline and I watched my beloved Gram suffer from diabetes and it's complications I knew that I had to make a change. Our genes are NOT our destiny and for those of us who like to eat, today's food culture certainly does not help. But with time and persistence we can learn to live with food in a respectful way, one in which it will not eventually kill us. Slowly changing our habits over the long term will lead to permanent success. Sometimes it can be just as simply as that.