Sunday, March 28, 2010

Wake Up Call

Yesterday I had a wake up call.

I have been losing weight through diet and exercise since July 15, 2008. I have grown to love exercise. Cardio now gives me a high and leaves me with a feeling of accomplishment when I am finished and drenched in sweat.

Since finding out I am pregnant, I have continued my workouts everyday. I have continued high intensity. The doctor said it was okay. I have stopped double and triple workouts as pregnancy has made me very tired.

Yesterday I did my favorite class. I worked really hard. I burned 500 calories in 40 minutes (for me this is great because I do not burn as many calories as other people do). I was so proud. It was a tough 40 minutes.

And then I got home and saw spotting. Why? Probably me doing too much. Hello - wake up call. So I called my mom (who is a nurse). She was actually surprised it hadn't happened sooner since I did not adjust my intensity. I am supposed to bring it down a notch or two.

I am not sure I know how. For two years it has been about pushing myself harder. Doing all I can. Now I am going to have to go to class and do the "low options". This sounds like torture. But I do not have 4 hours a day to walk my calories off so I guess I will try.

I have to. I have been eating like crazy the last week and a half. Not counting calories. I have gained 8 pounds in 10 weeks. I was giving myself a slight break on my eating since 85% of it was really healthy and keeping up my exercise. I am lucky that I am still able to wear my pants and breath normally.

I am just looking fat (I am getting really thick in the middle and I already had loose skin there). My hair (which was already thick and curly) has gotten thicker and the texture has gotten worse. The knots were so bad it was ripping the bristles out of my brush, so I had to cut it. My skin has broken out badly.

I feel kind of hideous. But it will be worth it to come away with a precious human life to care for. I am willing to look like this (and possibly worse) for the next 30 weeks. I am willing to be exhausted (and I know this gets worse after the baby is born) and hungry and eat my way through the day. So I am also willing to tone myself down a bit in exercise. I am not sure how, but I will. I already told the instructor so she can just yell at me if I am jumping around too much.

The hardest part by far on this journey is changing my mind set. At first I had to change to put my health first and actually think about me. Now, even though exercise is important in pregnancy, I have to put myself second. My goals have to change. My goal now is a healthy baby. As long as I do not revert back to what I was, I think I can recover after this pregnancy. My biggest fear is not being able to get back to where I am now. Will my motivation (obsession) still be there? I hope so. I want to be a healthy mom. That is, after all, why I began this journey in the first place.


Seren_Sighs said...

Have you considered looking into clean eating? It might help keep your fat percentage in check if you really make an effort to eat non processed foods, especially if you can't work out as hard. Plus the baby would benefit too from all those healthy non processed food.

Clean eating is what figure competitors and models use to get their bodies. I try to eat clean, though I do make exceptions some days for a lot of the foods. Honestly though I really enjoy eating all my non processed natural foods. I feel weird if I go without a fruit or vegetable at every meal and I kina like to see how many colors I can get into every meal and how much of it I can make vegetables and fruit.

I'm glad both you and the baby are ok. That was probably really scary but at least now you know what's best. You've come a long way and changed a lot. You'll have no problem being healthy after the baby is born.

Ex Yo-Yo Dieter Debbie said...

Yeah, you might want to dial it down...I was on bedrest for more than half of my pregnancy, and it sucked. (It wasn't exercise-induced, but I was generally overdoing it instead of resting.) I did gain over 80 pounds during my pregnancy...

BUT the good the news? I took it all off again in about 6 months and started running (for the first time in my life!).

You could end up in better shape than ever after you have the baby.

Trust me, if I could do it, so can you!!!

Miss S. said...

I hope everything is okay for you.

You care too much to let yourself go, I've read your blog long enough to know at least that much. Enjoy your pregnancy! I mean it!

cmoursler said...

Hey, you will get back alot of protein and a ton of will really cut down on the cravings.
It did with me and my second pregnancy.
I ate a ton of veggies, cauliflaur, broccoli, and zucchini.
I walked two or three miles daily...I gained 20 lbs.
Now after I piled it
I stopped walking and stopped eating well.
You will be okay.
Take it easy. You'll get there.

F. McButter Pants said...

I can understand your feelings. The "what ifs". The above comments should make you feel better. I think that a good about of fear is healthy. You (or me, for that matter) don't want to go back to where you were, yet you have a responsibilty to your baby. Being a Mom is alot of responsibilty1

You are going to do fine...give yourself a break. Just take it down a notch. I know you can do it!

Pam (the loooz-ahhhh) said...

I am in the middle of my journey and just found out I am pregnant with my second child. Its a blessing and its still frustrating to be creeping back up the scale when I have worked so hard to bring it down and still have half of my weight to lose.

I spotted a lot with my first- it totally freaked me out. They say some women have an ultra sensitive cervix, especially with the first one, so try not to let it be too frightening for you. However, toning it down would probably be a big help to ensure that you and the baby will be just fine.

I also understand your concerns about not being motivated afterward, but you'll have even more motivation to continue to work toward ultimate health every time you look your miracle in the face. My son was a HUGE motivator for me, and now, this second baby will just add fuel to my fire.

And by the way, I gained some water weight at the end of my first pregnancy, but between the day I was admitted and two weeks after when I had my first check up? I lost over 65 pounds - no lie! So, I am not as scared of losing after gaining this time around, and you shouldn't be, either - just concentrate on staying well for you and that little one!

Sandie said...

Yes, please cut back on the exercise!! I can't believe your doctor said it was OK to work out so strenuously- maybe he didn't realize just how strenuous it was?

You WILL get back into shape after the baby- for now, concentrate on having a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby- and enjoy being pregnant! :-)

Sean (Learn Fitness) said...

I'd suggest toning it down some. I know you don't want to but it will really help you and your baby in the long run. My wife and I had the exact same thing happen 9 months ago when we found out we were pregnant. She tried pushing it like she had and again saw the same outcome as you.

After she toned it down and just really focused on eating well and getting exercise in that wasn't as intense she saw great results. What I mean by that was that initially she gained like 20 pounds in a few months but after that she didn't gain at all, she maintained. After 9 months we had a healthy boy and she's almost back to where she was pre-pregnancy and hasn't even started working out yet (2 weeks post delivery).

If you ever need any advice or anything I'd be happy to put you in touch with her. Keep at it, stay healthy, and don't push it to hard. You will get through this, your focused on staying healthy and have your head on straight. You can do it!!

empower me photo guy said...

For now you should just enjoy your pregnancy and I'm sure once the baby arrives your mindset will change back to weight loss. You will still be motivated and empowered because being a healthy mom is the most important thing! Best of luck!

Jenn said...

You know I hear ya - although I'm not working out, lol! But I know how you feel - the fear. But you will lose it after the baby is born - whatever you gain, you will lose it.
Right now you have to take care of that little one, and that means taking it easy. Resting. Not stressing out. ENJOYING your pregnancy (once you get out of the first trimester!)...
In another few weeks you'll have a little bump, you'll have more energy, less breakouts (hopefully), and you'll feel better.

BornSquishy said...

Yikes.... that had to be scary.

You said "will my motivation (obsession) still be there? I hope so".... You've spent a long time developing a healthy lifestyle that has now become life altering.... even if you are a tad obsessive about it ;)

Do whatever you need to do for you and your baby now, so the both of you are happy and healthy.

We'll all be here for you after the pregnancy to cheer you on

Corletta said...

You can do this. Lower your intensity, but still exercise and eat well. Though it will be different, it's not a bad thing. Your baby needs you to take care if it as well!

Aimee said...

i think you're absolutely amazing!!! you know your mindset has changed, because if not, you wouldn't have continued to push yourself - you would have used it as an excuse to not exercise, etc...

you're going to be a wonderful mom! look at what you're doing for your baby already! :)