Thursday, June 24, 2010

Humility

This pregnancy has taught me a little bit of humility. I am a pretty open and honest person. I take the advice of others. I learn from my mistakes. However, it is hard for me to admit that I cannot do the things I was doing a few months ago. I love to exercise now. A little of piece of me feels unfulfilled when I cannot do the high impact moves in class. Sometimes I do them anyway and then extreme guilt consumes me. What if something turns out to be wrong with this baby because I just HAD to jump around in my workouts? Then I back off. I still work hard. I still burn alot of calories. But it is not the way I am used to. It is not the exact way I want to do it.

Most humiliating moment of the summer (so far)? Well let me just remind you that I will take the most difficult cardio classes. I will do (or try) every high-intensity move to up my burn. I will take the class repeatedly until I get it. I have spent 2 years going out of my comfort zone and pushing through pain to get to the next level. This is the best and most accomplished I have felt in my entire life (and this includes graduating from college - undergrad and grad). But I did not feel that way Tuesday.

I decided to take a water aerobics class for some cardio and toning. I was running in the pool for about 10 minutes when it started. This horrible pain on my right side. So I push through it. Or I tried. After 5 minutes it got worse. I tried to bring it down a little, adjust my stance. More pain. Then guilt about what my body was trying to tell me. After 20 more minutes I could not take the guilt anymore. I swam through a full pool of 70 year-olds and climbed the ladder to land. I lasted 30 minutes. In water aerobics. Me. Me who loves turbo kickboxing and body attack. Me who competed in the Mud Run and completed it. After I was out, the pain stopped. Turns out to be round ligament pain from my super stretching uterus (now the size of a basketball). I know I made the right choice but it saddens me to feel like less than I was.

Triumphant moment of the summer (so far)? Well. I have been waking up around 3AM about twice a week, starving. The only way I was able to go back to sleep was to eat. I was eating cereal. And then something crunchy. And perhaps one more thing. But twice this week I awoke hungry at 3AM yet again. I did not eat a thing. I watched TV until I felt I could sleep again. I waited to eat until breakfast around 8AM. VICTORY!!! This did not happen before I was pregnant. And I hope it will eventually stop.

Doc appointment today. I gained 6 pounds in the last 4 weeks (my scale says it was 5). My percentage of weight gain per week is decreasing. I am hoping to get it down even more. My total gain is already at 28 pounds. And I feel it. I know she weighs over 1 pound now so at least that one is not on me. I feel pretty happy. I eat healthy stuff, I exercise daily, I feel the baby moving everyday, and doc did not say anything about my size or weight gain. Although, it is pretty obvious there is nothing she can say to me that I do not say to myself before I get there.

I ate better this week because of the appointment. But today is my birthday and there will be a lot of crab legs eaten tonight. I will enjoy myself and worry about the next weigh-in in a week or so.

Stay cool, get in a pool!

9 comments:

Katie J said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Hope you have a lovely day and just think of all the beautiful things that are going to happen in your 31st year :)

notjustcelery said...

First of all, Happy Birthday!

I can't imagine pregnancy but I think it is important you are learning just how far you can push yourself without hurting yourself.

While you may be doing less than you are used to, just think what if you had gotten pregnant before you changed your lifestyle? What would be different? I think you are doing (and have done) an amazing job!

Mom to the Fourth Power said...

Happy Birthday!!!! Crab legs sound SO good!
You are so in tune with your body - I really like that. I am trying to get back in tune. Good for you for all you've pushed through and completed!! Sounds like you're doing great in your pregnancy too. Way to be on top of things! :)

~Margene

Alison said...

Happy Birthday, do you have enough crab legs to share? :P

Push through the pain no longer applies and it's a hard lesson to learn since we spent so much time getting it right, the pushing through I mean. It's not you, it's the hormones and a baby that can't do it, not you, you are still strong and will get back there.

I love your attitude about enjoying your birthday, that is such a healthy attitude toward the gain and your health, revel in that.

I am 11 weeks pregnant and finding now that I am having a hard time running and it's brutal, I had races lined up that I can't do, including one this weekend, but I just have to do what is best for me at this time and stop thinking I'm failing for not being able to do as much as I could 6 weeks ago. Thank you for your honesty with your struggles it has been helping me.

CJ said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Now for feeling less than before! Thats not true. How many women push as hard as you? This is pregnancy and maintaining the fine balance of pushing it hard and overdoing it is difficult. You are doing great. You'll do even better post pregnancy. I can bet on that. :)

cmoursler said...

Baby
8 pounds

Placenta
2-3 pounds

Amniotic fluid
2-3 pounds

Breast tissue
2-3 pounds

Blood supply
4 pounds

Fat stores for delivery and breastfeeding
5-9 pounds

Uterus increase
2-5 pounds
Total
25 to 35 pounds

It's not just a one pound for baby...your blood supply is greater..uterus, placenta and amniotic fluid...the whole nine.

As for being less.
God created man,
then women and then entrusted women to create life.
There is no greater feat.
You are growing an actual human.
inside..
right now.
holy crap.
Great job.
hang in there.

Miz said...

(I LOVE christines comment and shall just add)

HAPPPY BELATED!!!!

kelly dawn said...

hope you had a GREAT birthday!!

forthehealthofit01 said...

You look great! ANd you are working out PLENTY! Hope you got all the crab legs you could handle!