Sunday, May 23, 2010

New Beginnings

So I have a story to tell. I used to have a best friend (I have best bud now but this story is not about her). We met in middle school. We were friends all through high school. We became inseparable our senior year. She went off to college, I went to community college for a year. Then I transferred to the same college she went to - Michigan State. We became roommates. We ended up getting into the same college (inside the University you have to be accepted into a college which will determine your major - ours was business). We had the same classes, we got jobs at the same places, we worked the same shifts, we partied together, we dated dudes who were friends as well. Essentially we lived the same life. She had horrible taste in men and thought they were awesome. At least when I dated a loser I would say "yeah, I know he is a loser but I am just having fun."

It is important to note that she had a great deal of trouble holding her alcohol. I was kicked out of many bars because of her. She would start crying for no reason and if some dude took pity on her and asked her why she was crying she would point to me and whoever I was with and say we were being mean (because we did not respond to her tears) and then those dudes would try to start a fight with us. Ridiculous shit for anyone to have to put up with.

I met my husband through her and one of her loser boyfriends right before our senior year in college began. (These relationships were long distance as well - us girls in Michigan and the boys in Texas) As the year went on, it was obvious that my husband was awesome and her boyfriend was a total loser. He eventually quit calling and dumped her (we were stuck in the middle) and she had a total mental and emotional break down. She ruined MANY nights for us. At the end of the year I made the decision to move to Texas. Her response? "What about me?"

I wanted to say, "what about you?" This is about me. But I didn't. I was far to nice and invited her and another friend to move with me. BIG MISTAKE!!! The "other" friend ended up moving back after 3 months and it ended in a law suit about a year later. But my best friend and I continued on. We had different jobs but she could not handle it. She began to become more outrageous including physically attacking me and breaking in my door if I went in my bedroom and shut the door. Almost always alcohol was involved. I have never been a drama queen so I was VERY resentful by this point. I wrote her a letter and she decided to move back home.

We tried to stay friends. I went home for Christmas in 2002 and that New Year's Eve we went to a party. She was a total bitch. She called my husband names (he was nothing but SUPER nice to her) and then she began to cry. And that was it. I screamed at her in a bar. Later that night, I told her that was it. I would not tolerate it anymore. She left. I then wrote her a letter and said I could not be friends with her any longer. It was a poisonous relationship. I told her not only was she no longer in my wedding, she was not even invited to it.

I had not heard from her since. Over 7 years. Until a few weeks ago. I always knew I would hear from her again, I just assumed that it would be some part of a 12 step program.

She found me on facebook and started with an apology. I have been over this for years but I have no desire to relive a single moment. To my surprise she is married (and not divorced) and now a mother to a 7 month old little girl. She ended the email by saying that she is coming to town at the end of May. She wants to get together.

I was shocked that my husband and mother thought it was a good idea. I mean, seriously, we do not know how stable she is. However, I am all for new beginnings. For a life free from fat, a baby on the way, why not old friendships? We did have lots of fun along the way.

So we started emailing back and forth A LOT. It is hard to catch up on 7 years in email. She comes in next weekend. We will be getting together twice. Once, even at my house for a cookout with the boys and baby.

I am a little weirded out that the past can walk right back to you like that. I wonder how awkward it will be or if it will be like really old, good times.

Either way, it is an experience that life is providing and if I don't do it, I will always wonder about it. I will update you on this situation next weekend. I find it very interesting to think of the possible outcomes.

In a COMPLETELY unrelated story - I get my next ultrasound Thursday. Hopefully the baby will cooperate and we will know what we are having. Also, there are 8 days of school left. HOORAY!!! I am sure no one cares but me, but I REALLY CARE!! And I got in the pool today. Started working on my tan. I heart summer.


Nicci@NiftyEats said...

She apologized so I would meet up with her. Doesn't mean you'll be close friends again though.

I had a friend with a drinking problem and we went our separeate ways. It's hard dealing with a drunk person every day. We talk and she has changed 100% and were still close. She never got violent with me but she did mess up the friendship during those drunk days of hers. Hope your meetup goes well. Maybe you can just be acquaintances...on facebeook.

Alison said...

Meet up at that point you can decide if this is a friendship that is healthy in your life. It took some courage on her part to reach out and some on yours to reply. Who knows where it will go but it won't hurt to meet up.
When I was still teaching I LOVED the end of the school year, LOVED IT, especially since May for me was my most stressful/full month of the school year.
I hope your little on cooperates, I am the type that HAS to know :P

Katie J said...

I have a similiar story but she did drugs. Had to cut her out of my life and then she contacted me after almost 10 years of not talking. We have yet to get together but I will have my guard up know what I mean.

Hope the baby is in the right position for your appt. next week.

School gets out for us on the 12th of June but since I work in the office, we are opened all year rouund. I heart summer too (my bday is the 1st day)

Monica said...

WOW! I think its cool that you are gonna meet up with her but yes I would have my guard up. Ill keep you in my thoughts :)

I hope you get to find out what youre having, too! And I hope that youll tell US! :)

cmoursler said...

hope it goes well and she is different...if not, it's one day. Good luck...just don't tell her where you

Me said...

I can totally relate to your hesitancy in this situation. As you said, you don't know how stable she will be. At the same time you will be able to set your boundaries, especially when they are coming to your house.
Enjoy it, though, people have been known to change.

Only 8 days of school left for you? And it will be summer vacation for you already? Oooh how jealous that makes me! LOL I've still got a fair few weeks to go!

I'll cross my fingers for a cooperating baby. Hihi.

Jenn said...

Funny, I have a similar story, though no alcohol was involved. This girl was just a b*tch, and I just got tired of it after a while. She popped up on Facebook, apologizing and wanting to rekindle our lost friendship.
Honestly, I'm not interested...she keeps wanting to get together, I keep making excuses. I just don't feel like a leopard changes its spots, you know?
Can't wait to hear the results of your ultrasound!!!!

Fat Lazy Guy said...

Ultrasound and no more school! YAY!!!!! :)

With the story, if it was me, I probably wouldn't go, but that's just because I'm hesitant about those sorts of things. Maybe if it was a high school reunion or something.

But anyway, I hope it's a happy reconnection :)

big_mummy said...

ok firstly, hi, i am back after a lonnnnggggg posting hiatus!! lol. I have missed your blog, you always tell it how it is and you are so lovelyyyyy!!!

Here is hoping for some open leg vibes for that baby of yours (girl!)

as for your friend, eep. well, i always believe in second chances but i am in a very similar situation to you and i delibrately am not letting myself get too close. I blocked her on msn, dont instantly reply to her messages and sometimes i ignore her status updates on FB lol. Too much happened and she ruined our friendship, but i hope its cool for you!

F. McButter Pants said...

Hopefully she will be sober. Yikes...too much drama for me too. I just don't do crazy anymore.

Good Luck with the ultrsound!