Monday, July 27, 2009

No one ever said I had a pretty face...

There are a lot of back-handed comments in our world of fat aren't there? I think they are comments that actually disguise questions that our friends and families (or perfect strangers) have.

For example - You have such a pretty face! = Why are you so fat?
Another example (while watching someone on television who lost a lot of weight) - You could do that! = Why are you so lazy?
Yet another (while trying on clothes) - Those look like they run small. = OMG! You have to go up another size?
One more (while looking at pictures) - Look how cute you were! = What the hell happened to you?

As we all know, some people are not that polite and just scream horrible, mean things at us. This is the funniest to me. If what goes around, comes around, then they should be scared that God will make them fat. Also, we are not blind. When we are fat, we know it. Someone else pointing it out does not educate us or motivate us in some new, profound manner.

I did not endure a lot of this but I know many have and I think it is absolute crap. No one should have to listen to this stuff. So I was thinking about it and I realized something.

No one ever told me I had a pretty face. Like, ever. I have been told I was cute or quirky. I think quirky is another term for annoying. It is my personality that makes me stand out. If I had to say I looked like someone, it would be Cindy Brady from the Brady Bunch (minus the lisp). I looked a lot like her as a child.

What the hell is my rambling point? Lately, a couple of people have told me I am pretty. It is nice that people want to give a complement but I probably look at them with shock in my face. In 31 years, I never heard that....until I lost a bunch of weight. In my mind, I am still Cindy Brady, always will be (even when I was at my heaviest and people avoided looking at me, I saw Cindy Brady).

I would be less shocked if someone said "Wow, you look way less fat! It makes you look better." And being the straight shooter I am, I would say a heart-felt thank you and appreciate their honesty. The world does not operate under my beliefs, obviously. We are a society of extremes. Extreme pleasantries or extreme insults. I try to fly down the middle of the road. This journey has really made me analyze the things I say before I speak them aloud (which is very hard for me and my big mouth). I have noticed that words stay with people (including myself) for a long time.

So say something nice to someone today. But mean it. Make it honest. We are wise enough to know the difference.


Jenn said...

OMG you made seltzer shoot through my nose (not pleasant), but those questions were hysterical!
I've never been one to give false compliments. I believe in being honest - if I can't say something nice, I just keep my mouth shut!

Jenn said...

Oh, and thank you for your sweet comment on my last post - it made my day.

Diane, Fit to the Finish said...

I like compliments as much as the next person, but I can always tell when they are genuine or not.

I try to compliment people as much as possible, truthfully!

Mae Flowers said...

That is such a nice thought to say something nice to people. It seems like people are much more apt to point out the negative than they are to point out the positive. :)

Fat Lazy Guy said...

Great post :D I've had a variation on the "You have such a pretty face", that was also mixed with a bit of honesty:

"You're so handsome, you just need to lose some weight" :D

I've not been good at accepting or giving compliments in the past, but seeing as I've gotten better at accepting them, I'm trying to get better at giving them out as well.

*Fitcetera* said...

My friend on the one hand tells me "You're not that fat" but on the other hand "you people"-ed me like I was in a separate category.
I'm still trying to figure that crap out.

p.s. you look less fat :D

Lisa said...

The sad thing is they think they are being nice...

wildfluffysheep said...

I am definitely going to say something nice to someone today and mean it.

I've had several of those phrases. In fact my gran constantly tells me how pretty my face is but stares at my fat stomach.

My brother calls me chunky likes its my birth name. even though he is 8 stones (112 pounds) heavier than me. And it bugs me. Bah.

Lorrie said...

Thanks for the honesty. I've had ALL of those statements "put" on me...many times.

The question do you take them off?