This Post is About You...

I have been reading your blogs. SIGH. I have one thing to say to you all. GET A GRIP!

I have never read so much negative self-talk. Not even after the holidays when many of us went up in weight. It is like a depression has settled in among us.

I do not know what has happened to you in your life to make you think it is okay for anyone (including yourself) to talk to you that way. Would you let someone talk to your friends or children that way?

I know losing weight is hard and at times it really sucks. Been there, live it. But I embrace it now. I feel like I have to. Getting up at 4am and running with the dogs (especially when one of the dogs does not even want to get up) is not my favorite thing when I first start out, but once I get going it is fun to see how fast and far I can go before someone (my dogs are kinda fat) needs to walk. But you know what I do love? The way my thigh muscles (or quads) are looking. Reminds me a little of an actual runner's leg. Totally neato.

It also sucks to be strict with your caloric intake and give 110% while working out 7 days a week and not see the scale move (or maybe in the wrong direction). Know what doesn't suck? The way my ass looks in my new jeans because I spent all that time in kickboxing.

It sucks to use your own body weight against yourself. For instance, say that you do push ups (the hard way) everyday because they are one of the best full body exercises you can do. They burn, they are tough, they make you feel like you weigh a TON. Know what doesn't suck? My new guns. They are getting quite shapely. And showing my fat arms was a huge phobia for me in the past. So look at that bonus - conquering phobias.

Sometimes we just have to push through. Don't get depressed. Stop being mean to yourself. You can bitch all you want on your blog. I quite enjoy reading your profound thoughts - I don't care if whining is included. We can all relate. But the self-hate has to stop. That does you no good. That just makes your journey more difficult.

You need to take your negative thought and look at it from the other side of the coin. Not easy, I know. My husband and best bud have had to endure my negative crap for a long time. They never complain or tell me to shut it (and I have said it to myself a time or two). I am just starting to see things from the other side. It makes the journey a lot more enjoyable. Just try it. If you cannot think of anything good about you, email me or leave a comment and I will find something. Don't be your own worst enemy. If you are not nice to you, why should anybody else?

God, sometimes I am such a teacher. Just picture me in my denim jumper and necklace with wooden beads. Sorry about this post, but for real. Get a grip.

Don't Stop Believin'

Do you ever feel like God (or some higher power) is trying to send you a message?

I do. Especially the last two weeks. I really started to question my decision to take on this entire weight loss project myself (sans trainer). Would I be able to do it? Will I still make progress in the right areas? What if this is as far as I get? What if I gain some weight back?

Then I heard it. A line from the song by Journey - Don't Stop Believin'

I have heard it everyday. Usually I turn on the radio and it is right at that part of the chorus. Different stations. One day I turned on the tv and it was playing a rerun of the series finale of the Sopranos. You know, where they are in the diner and that song is playing and then it cuts to black? I think this is my message. I think this because I do not remember hearing this song very often before last week. Now - everyday. So I bought it on iTunes and decided to play it for inspiration. Why not?

That said, this week is rough. I have to give a presentation tomorrow. We teachers are working like dogs and then sitting in boring meetings that make us feel overwhelmed. Eating has not been perfect this week - I fear a gain on Friday. This is the worst week for food I have had in a LONG time. It is not that bad but not great either.

However, I have worked out everyday. Including Sunday, I no longer have a day off. I did 3 days of weight training myself and it seems to be working well. The other days are classes and Saturdays are double workout days. I also started running with the dogs again in the morning (during fat camp we just walked but they were getting fat so now we must run).

I just need to make it through this month without doing too much damage and in September routines will fall back into place. So until then I just need to remember to Don't Stop Believin'!!

Lessons Learned

So I have been thinking about writing this post for months now. I am thinking of it as a therapeutic tool. These are some of the lessons I have learned on my weight loss journey so far.

1. EVERY LITTLE BIT COUNTS!!!! (that is how I gained the weight - literally one pound per month til I was almost 300 pounds - and I believe each decision I make helps me lose it)
2. I can do more than I think I can (this is mostly exercise related - including doing the leg press with 360 pounds on it - I told my trainer I am not a dude, but he did not care)
3. I can NEVER, EVER go back to the way I was (it is so much more fun to be less fat - I got called skinny bitch again - this time by a friend from across the country, how fun!)
4. I have learned enough to make decisions on my own that turn out better than anyone expected (I am referring to my self-imposed fat camp - the ending results will be posted soon since my summer is almost over)
5. Consistency is the key (I can have a cheat meal once a week but I have to get right back on course the very next meal)
6. For me, it is more exercise than diet (I say this because I am eating the exact same things I did when I got fat - although smaller portions and spaced differently in the day)
7. I will have to exercise and count calories for the rest of my life (which I now actually enjoy both of them and by exercise I mean serious workouts about 6 times a week)
8. I do not have to buy clothes just because they are decent and they fit - there are enough choices now that if I do not really love it, I do not have to buy it
9. I am committed to this being a lifestyle change - heck it already has changed my life, now it is habit
10. IF YOU FAIL TO PLAN, THEN YOU PLAN TO FAIL - this statement says everything for me. I have to plan a week out and then execute it one day at a time (like an alcoholic).
11. Setting small, attainable goals will lead to large goals I never expected to accomplish (even on the treadmill - I started in 30 second increments and now I do things in 3 minute increments - if I can keep going I do, but I just tell myself I can do anything for 3 minutes - eventually I end up running, at a good speed, for 21 minutes)
12. Sometimes your body needs to rest and it is okay to take a day off (getting a full night's sleep has helped my weight loss)
13. The blog world has made this journey so much better (the camaraderie, support and therapy of the written word) I feel this community has helped to make this change permanent for me, so thank you all!!

I leave you with this thought, what is the most important lesson you have learned so far on your journey? Please leave me a comment about it because I really do want to know.

Best Girl's Day Ever!!

Saturday was sooooo much fun. It involved a lot of shopping. We spent hours inside of JCPenny (we had coupons - which is so not us to use them that is why we are so proud). Let me preface this post by saying my best bud is 5'8 and a size 10 (with a flat tummy). This after having twins a year ago. She has her body issues too, but not like the rest of us.

I am 5'10 and currently a size 16 (bordering on a 14 - that is to say on Saturday I tried a size 14 shorts that had about 8 inches of muffin top, however I did get them zipped and buttoned - that poor button). At Avenue I can easily wear a 14 but in other stores, not so much.

So this is the first time that my BB and I could shop in the same store. In the dressing room I was in, I found some interesting outfits that someone left behind. I decided that if it fit I would try it on and then go to her dressing room. Oh yes, it fit. It was an awesome outfit that I think was left over from 1989, including the shoulder pads. We delighted in it so much we had to take a picture. Here is where I would share the pic but it is on my BB's phone. That turned into me picking out some fabulous outfits for my BB to try on. We laughed so hard, it hurt. We were so annoying that a salesperson came in and asked that we get our clothes and leave because customers were waiting. Oh yeah? Well so was I. I waited a long time to be able to enjoy time shopping. Usually it is a lonely and not fun experience. I did not leave. I moved into BB dressing room and started trying on people's left overs in there. God I love JCPenny (best workout yoga pants, by the way).

We also got pedicures, which is when I was told I had an ingrown toe nail (no wonder it hurt). I had never had one before. And we went out to dinner at a fabulous restaurant and had a cocktail and everything. I did not even gain any weight (and I ate a lot - yeah cheat meal!)

However, Sunday I made all my fabulous Cinco de Mayo foods (early I know), but it sure was heavenly. My weight went up half a pound. I paid for all that eating today at the gym. My trainer is really burning up my muscles - jerk.

Today we were off school (scheduled holiday, not swine flu). I went to see my doc because I have had some bad dizzy spells the last few weeks. I suspected my blood pressure medicine so I tracked my blood pressure for a week. A few things happened at the doc's office.

1. My doc did not recognize me because of the weight loss and I was just there in January
2. She took me off all my blood pressure medicine - yeah!! I have been on it for at least 7 years.
3. I had to come back later in the day and have the ingrown toe nail removed. Yuck!

So that was my fabulous day off: workout, doc, nap, laundry, blog reading (my fav), and now procrastinating school work for the kiddos. We are making the cutest Mother's Day cookbook. Writing with kids is so entertaining. I highly recommend it.

On a random side note - my mother pointed out to me that I was a size 16 when I moved to Texas 9 years ago. The funny thing is, I currently weigh 30 pounds more than I did when I moved here. That is how much of a difference exercise can make in your body. It just proves to me what I have been thinking this whole journey. I do not want to get back to something that I once was, I want to create something that never has been. I am not quite sure what all that entails yet but I am enjoying the journey of discovery along the way. Enjoying that day of shopping in the same fitting room with some of the same clothes with my BB was worth every calorie counted and every challenging workout. I look forward to much, much more.

Inclement Weather Day

No school today! Yahoo. Since I live in a southern locale, the roads will be fine by the time I need to workout with my trainer. This has delayed the dogs' walk and they seem a little peeved about that. So what have I been doing? Catching up on blogs and tivo. I have two tivos so that can add up to a lot of shows. I did realize today how many weight-related shows I had recorded. Here is what I had:

1. Oprah (Monday and Tuesday) - teens facing weight issues - this was really good
2. Biggest Loser - Wow! I think this game is going to change a little. What a competition!
3. Fat Free Fiances (on FLN) - This show is really good but I do not see the weight loss as sustainable.
4. Buldging Brides (on FLN) - pretty decent, yet again not very sustainable weight loss.
5. Diet Tribe (on Lifetime) - This is a group of friends that at times seem slightly dysfunctional but they are sweet and the trainer cares and is super cute.

Even with all these inspiring shows, my training sessions, increased ability to jog/run, weight watcher meetings, awesome blog posts, and incredibly generous complements from everyone I still find it hard to get my act together and stick with everything. It is like I lost my balance and trying to find it again is sooooo hard. Is this true for anyone else? I mean I would think that by the end of January I would have my sh*t together by now. I am doing it all but it does seem harder than it was before the holidays.

Also, tomorrow is my husband's birthday. So I am going to cheat and move my at home weigh-in to Thursday morning. Just for this week. Next week I will go back to Friday. I do not think it will hurt. I do not plan on being too bad but we are going to one of our favorite places and they have what we call our "death row" meal. You know, if you were allowed one more meal before you die, what it would be and where it would be from. Yup - some serious Irish nachos for me.

Well good luck to everyone this week and I will try and go to turbo kick-boxing before my death row meal tomorrow to try and alleviate some of my guilt.

Peace out!