Happy Halloween!

Teacher by day.....Fall Fun Fest (REALLY nice Little Bo Peep costume borrowed from best bud....thank you very much! Such a hit that strangers stopped to get their picture taken with me)

Hooker by night? No, just Rainbow Brite with her ass hanging out!

You just never know the lives people lead after hours.

Happy Halloween!

Damn that was cold!

Ran with the dogs in the rain this morning and damn was it cold! Enough bitching. Time for the weekly weigh-in. I am at 182.4 again. I will take that. My weight had gone up about 2.5 pounds from last weekend (no more alcohol for me) so at least I lost that again. And last week had a big drop so I will continue on.

Tonight I have to work the Fall Fun Fest at school....for 3 friggin' hours. It is from 5:30 to 8:30. Which is annoying on many fronts. #1 - elementary kids are super spazzy and obnoxious at Halloween, #2 - I am exhausted from working with 6 year-olds all week, #3 - no one asked me if I wanted to do this, I was told to do it, #4 - I have a better party to go to (sorry for those of you with kids - teachers do enjoy them but we have our fill by Friday and want a break)

So after the festival I will be changing into my skanky Halloween costume and going to best bud's restaurant for their Halloween bash. And yes, I bought a skanky outfit. I will be an inappropriate version of Rainbow Brite. My husband even told me it was slutty. But it is still kinda cute. I was going to get a lady bug costume but I figured that next year I may be pregnant and need a big costume like that. Then I thought - to hell with it, this maybe the only year I am ever able to wear something skanky, so I will. I worked hard. I may be really testing the strength of the material but it does fit.

When I got big I always said I wish I could go back to my smaller self and tell her to live it up and wear sluttier clothes while she can. Well since I can't go back, I can tell myself that now. I am aware that 31 may be too old to dress this way for Halloween but I am telling myself it is okay because I am not a mom yet. But I have to say, if I have a decent bod after kids there is no telling what kind of costume decisions I will be making. If you've got it, rock it.

Ordered the P90X system this morning. We shall see how that goes. Now I am just looking to order the Polar heart rate monitor thing. Man there are so many models. I am so not sure which one to get. Also, do you have to wear a band around your chest with the watch? Do you wear it all day if you want to know your daily calorie burn? I need more exercise education I guess.

Hope you all rock the scale this week! I will try to update with Halloween pics this weekend. Try to stay away from that candy!

My Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters...

...I thank the lord there's people out there like you.

HOLLA!!! Over 100 followers. You all rock! I have to tell you that I would not have come this far without this community. It is my therapy (only cheaper, so thanks). Like group therapy, kinda like I am in rehab learning how to create a new life. It works, if you work it.

Your comments have been awesome. They make me laugh, they make me feel better, they let me know that I am so not alone. I also really enjoy your blogs. I try to comment as much as possible but please know, sometimes I am reading them even if I do not have time to leave a comment. Your thoughts and feelings matter. I care about what you have to say. And I am not the only one so please keep it going!

Questions for you. Have you tried P90X? I hear nothing but awesome things about it and how ripped people get (and how super hard it is). I am a little confused as to how it works but I was thinking about getting it this weekend. Also, I want one of those calorie burning heart monitor watch things (technical terms, I know). Which one should I buy? I want a good one. Not that you all want a crappy one, I just don't want to get one and have to replace it.

So again, THANK YOU for all you have done to help me. I will do my best to return the favor. Let me know if you have any questions. I would love to answer some. Off to watch Biggest Loser!

It Hurts so Good!

The wedding was.....how do you say? Kind of lame. It was at 2:00 (stinkin' Catholics) so dinner was at about 4:00 and the dancing started at 5:00. That kind of cramped my style so I drank some and did not dance. Actually not many people did.

This picture is me (I cropped out my husband) as we were leaving (8:00 - like I said, lame). Sorry I did not get any better pics. But let me tell you, it was a pretty great night for me.

As I walked in the church, jaws dropped. You could tell when the moment of recognition hit someone because eyes widened and a look of shock took over their face. My husband's grandmother was weepy (but it may have also been the wedding). She proceeded to tell everyone after the wedding I lost 96 pounds (now it is 107 but whatever, she is old). This was embarrassing because she was telling people I never met before like boyfriends of cousins. She might as well have said "man, she used to be REALLY fat."

Comments were made by pretty much everyone. The groom and father of the groom commented multiple times. They even had me play a joke on someone by pretending to be a girl from a bar (someone thought I resembled her).

I think I made you all proud. I wore my heels and stood up tall. I sucked in what gut I have left (and wore a Spanx-type garment). I stood as much as possible (because my legs looked better that way). I stood until my toes were going numb from the heels and then I sat for a few and then I got back up to stand some more.

You can feel the eyes checking you out. I was looked up and down and up again (I am sure it was just out of amazement because of how I looked at the last wedding). I just soaked it in (and sucked it in) and smiled. Most of the comments came from the men. That surprised me.

Oh and Steve was there. My mother-in-law had gone to the rehearsal the night before and when he and his wife found out we were coming, they were so excited. I did not really talk to him until the reception. He made a few comments about me being snotty and not talking to him but really it was only because others were talking to me. When we were all finally standing together and talking and he was looking me up and down he commented that he did not remember me being so tall (6'1 in heels). I guess I made him feel small and I am okay with that. The in-laws needed to leave and they wanted us to stay. They offered to drive us and invited us to stay over at their house. Nice enough but no thanks. I love my in-laws and would never ditch them like that.

At Christmas, we may all go out to the bar to actually hang out. But not so much this time. I am okay with it. I am very happy with the appearance I made even if it was brief.

I think I figured out why that comment from Steve a year and a half ago (if it was him) bothered me so much. I know it was rude but more than that. He is me. I look at him and see myself. We are snarky and we think the same things. He is my mirror. He probably said something that I thought about myself but never said out loud. Either way, I forgive us both. However, if we think or say anything like that again, I just may have to kick some ass.

I hope you all had a super weekend and I look forward to catching up on blogs this week!

Born Again?

Well friends...I am leaving after school today for that wedding. It will be an interesting trip for sure. I am excited to see my in-laws. We went to Vegas back in February and I have lost another 57 pounds since then. Everyone else I have not seen since Christmas (when I started this blog) and I am down 67 pounds from that point.

I enjoyed my weigh-in today actually - 182.4. That is a 4.6 pound loss since last Friday (which had that slight gain from lady troubles so I think this is a catch up week). That puts my total loss at just over 107 pounds. I wanted to hit 105 pounds before I left for this trip so I am grinning from ear to ear.

This also means that I am 7.4 pounds away from my goal of 175 (this may change). I think I am only about 8 pounds away from no longer being overweight. Wow! To think I will be in a "normal" weight range blows my mind. I was in a normal weight range for about a week (okay maybe a semester) in college but I still thought I was fat so I did not know it at the time. If I could go back, I would tell myself to get a grip and slut it up a bit more.

This time, I am healthy and getting fit. I am making sure I enjoy it all now.

I had a thought last night. I was talking to one of my turbo kickboxing instructors (who is like ubber-fit) and she has lost weight too. Like 80 pounds!! She is the 2nd instructor I have talked to who has lost a ton of weight. Now I cannot imagine either of these girls ever being even chubby but then again, they are now instructors.

They are so hard-core and inspiring, I really enjoy them. I find myself trying to tell new gym members what classes to try and encourage them to keep coming back. So now I wonder, is this what it is like to be a born-again Christian? I am not religious (just was brought up without belonging to one religion) so I do not really know. But I feel free - like a new person and I wish everyone could experience how awesome it feels. Is that what we are? Trying to spread the word of our savour - health and fitness? Just curious.

I hope you all have a killer week on the scale. You deserve it!! I may post again before the weekend is through. I plan on enjoying this wedding!

Belly Floppin'

Hey all! Just wanted to make a quick, happy, random post. Today in turbo kick boxing, as I was jumping around, I noticed something. My belly flopping. You know what I am talking about - as you try and jump around, the more high impact you do, the more belly flopping you get.

Well, today I noticed my belly hardly flops at all anymore. I am talking a significant reduction in the past 4 weeks. It made me so happy I decided to jump whenever possible so that I could experience no belly flopping. YAHOO!!! What a happy Tuesday. I think I have now become a spokes person for my gym - particularly the classes I take. Everytime someone new joins I always congratulate them on finishing (the first few times are so tough) and when they comment on my jumping around I have to tell them that 100 pounds ago I never jumped at all. In fact I thought the instructor was a total, hyper lunatic doing all that crazy stuff. Now that I can do it, I love to do it. The challenge kept me coming back (and still does) and hopefully they will too.

Also, when I was shopping at home (about 3 weeks ago), I bought my favorite jeans from my new favorite store (thank you Banana Republic) in a smaller size. When I tried them on they sat a little too low on the hips (because my ass was too big) and the button was so stressed it looked like it would take flight and someone might lose an eye. I have been going down in clothing sizes at a decent rate and I did not want to be without these jeans so I bought them.

And I wore them today, perfect fit. No one was even in danger of losing an eye. That means today I wore a smaller size than the picture I posted yesterday. Droopy drawers do not look good. Not even when you try and hold them up with a belt (another new accessory for me).

Another stupid side note - why are all halloween costumes so skanky? It's like an excuse to run around in your underwear. I am having trouble finding a fun costume that is not skanky. Also, the sizes are screwed up. My waist is big and the most of the regular costumes go up to a 30.5 inch waist. Then the plus sizes start at like 38. Hello? Are we missing a HUGE demographic here? Some costumes I thought were cute but might be good if I am ever pregnant at Halloween - I don't want to use them now. What is a girl to do?

May this week find you with less belly for flopping!

MAJOR Mental Break Through

As some of you know, that top picture was me at my heaviest (289). I call it my oompa loompa picture. I looked in the mirror that morning (knowing I was going to take a pic with my class) and thought I looked decent. What the hell was I thinking? I obviously did not see what others saw. Until I saw that picture. There is no denying you are beyond a little chub when you look like that.

The second pic is from my class field trip yesterday to the farm. I am the one in the black shirt. I am not sure why, but this picture is what changed my mind set last night. I realize that I am no longer fat. I am still about 10 pounds away from being in the "normal" range. I am not at my goal. I am not thin. I am however, no longer fat. I am actually somewhat fit. It amazes me that I see the change in this picture because it is not a flattering one by any means.

Funny how pictures change our perception or shock us into reality. Only this time, it was a shock that made me smile.

I must say, one day last week, one of the kids asked me if I was going to have a baby. He said I looked like it. I looked down at my belly (which was looking quite minimal that day) and said "No I don't. I don't look at all like I am going to have a baby." and he said "Oh, okay."

Last year I would have just accepted that comment. I would not have been insulted because 1st graders don't know that is insulting and when you have a big belly that mistake could easily be made.

I do not accept those comments anymore. I am no longer fat. I will not be again. And the next time I student asks me if I am going to have a baby, I plan on being pregnant!