I am training to be a cage fighter!

Um....okay.....maybe I am not quite ready for cage fighting yet but I feel good enough to!

THANK THE LORD!!! I want to shout from the roof tops how much better I feel (that is how improved my life is)!

I pray it was a virus because if this comes back continuously (as morning sickness) I will want to impale myself from listening to all my moaning (yes, at one point I literally laid on the floor and moaned - the dogs thought I wanted a tongue bath).

I even didn't mind going to school and dealing with my two button-pushers. By the way....26 days left my friends!!!

So in the glorious fortune that is my good health (seriously you have no idea how good you have it until it is gone), I went to the grocery store and bought all my healthy stuff again. And guess what? I discovered a new kind of m&ms. They are pretzel. They come in a blue bag and they are delicious (they are also a lot lower in calories than say, the peanut m&ms)! The checker took one look at me and handed me the bag directly and said "these must be for your purse." Of course they were. I did not skip a beat, I snatched them right from her hand (I was pretty darn hungry). You may think this is a rude comment, however, I am looking pretty pregnant today. I can tell because #1 - I have a mirror but #2 - many people stopped me today, stared at me and said "oh you look so cute and pregnant today" and one parent (whom I see daily) who said "what? you're pregnant? you were hiding it well (bless her - I wasn't but that was nice to hear)"

I am working my way back up to my high intensity exercise. So far this week - just walking. Hopefully Thursday I will be back to classes.

Hope your Tuesday was as good as mine! Wednesday I have one of my old students and her mom coming over. They are making me tacos. I love tacos! Seriously, someone coming to my house to cook for me. Does it get much better? The weekend is getting closer.....

My eating has slowed down

Hello friends!

Well I have officially entered my second trimester. One third of the way there. Hooray!! But still, this has been a bad week. I have not done much exercise at all. A few nights and that is it. I was so sore from a double workout I took some time off. Then on Friday I took my class on an awesome field trip. Friday night - stomach pain. Bad. I was just convinced I was going to vomit or have diarrhea at any moment.

Saturday was about the same. Felt a little better at night which is good because I got to go out with best bud and we saw Chelsea Handler. We always have fun. Being around her probably made me feel better because today I am back to feeling like complete arse.

I wish I could barf my guts out just for some relief. The problem is, I do not know if I have the stomach virus from school or if I am one of those lucky people who gets their morning sickness in the second trimester. All I know is, that this sucks and I pray it ends soon.

On the other hand, it has slowed my eating WAY down. Since now my stomach feels best empty. I did force myself to eat some stuff today for the baby but I felt awful after. In fact, the dogs may or may not have finished my food.

I barely accomplished anything today (except I did get my Internet fixed - yay for me!). And I am moments away from dragging my lazy arse to bed. Hubby is gone, so I am left to my own devices as far as going to the store and such. Maybe I can do that tomorrow. If not, I do not care too much, I must say.

School story for you - you know I teach first grade, right? Well at that age the kids get obsessed with things. A vacation they took, a new toy, the color purple, playing with the velcro on their shoes until you want to rip their shoes off and throw them across the room (seriously, just teach your kid to tie their shoes - they are going to look completely retarded in high school when they still can't do it), etc. Well my super obese little girl (whom is beautiful and loves life and is repeating 1st grade - I enjoy her so) has a new obsession. She has been talking about it for weeks. Know what it is? Ponies? Nope, that was a few months ago. Butterflies? Nope, learning about them is just a hobby for her. Her obsession is.....wait for it.....HOT POCKETS.

Yes, I said HOT POCKETS. She wanted her mom to make them for the whole class. Then everyday this week she told me how she was bringing one on the field trip. I tried to tell her that was not a good option but she had her mom heat it up before school and she put it in a baggy. As she ate her hot pocket on the field trip (which I had to get a picture of) she had to tell me about her love of them.

I asked her if she ate them at home. Her answer? Yes, every night. EVERY NIGHT!!

She is very large. In fact, I even approached the subject with her parents. A defensive response is what I got. I have to say that I believe there could be a link between her childhood obesity and eating a pizza hot pocket every night. And that is after a school breakfast and lunch - which are LOADED in fat. Her lunch Friday was the hot pocket and jell-o. I find little to no nutritional value in that meal. That family needed to watch Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution. I am so sad it is over. I heart Jamie and his efforts to fight obesity.

I think it is okay to nurture a child's love of books or football or dinosaurs but I really have to draw the line at HOT POCKETS. They may kill someone some day.

Hope you all had a rockin' weekend! Just stay away from the hot pockets!

Today was tough

When I started my weight loss journey, my goal was to weigh less than I started at. Attainable, yes? I know, way to aim high.

I started this journey for better health but I needed to get healthy to start a family and get pregnant.

I had originally said if I lost 40 pounds I would try to get pregnant. I lost 40 pounds and was still fat. So I kept going. I eventually lost 115 pounds (hitting a normal weight and my goal at Thanksgiving 2009). I could do triple workouts in a day if I wanted. I could keep up with the most fit people I know. It was addictive. I could get a high from exercise and weight loss.

In February, I planned to get pregnant. It worked - 1st time (lucky, I know). I made a plan, stuck to it, it worked. I was shocked.

I have been gaining weight since then. I know I need to. I know it is expected but today it was hard. I put on a size 12 pant (I have been in 10s for the 1st time in my life. I have been wearing those since December). They were tight. I looked in the mirror and looked and felt huge. I felt bigger than I did when I was losing the weight and weighed more.

I got in the car and called my mom to tell me something nice because I felt insecure (and this is exactly what I told her over the phone, 1200 miles away, while she was at work). And then I began to cry. An important note here is that I NEVER CRY. If I am crying, something is definitely wrong. And usually if I cry it is about someone else (like a student).

I know this is stupid. I know that I have to gain weight and that I eat healthy 75% of the time (25% is too many cracker and perhaps some yummy candy). I know my hips are spreading and that I am housing a human being (although it is not super real to me yet). This must happen. But it is hard. Especially this week. I may switch to dresses with leggings and maternity wear in the next week.

But I also know that I literally worked my ass off. I know how hard you have to work to get off 115 pounds without surgery or pills or liquid diets. I know the level of physical endurance I am capable of. I completed the mud run for crying out loud. Me. The girls who used to weigh almost 300 pounds.

I did a double workout on Monday. I am still sore (and have a new foot over-use injury). I cannot do that anymore. This makes me extremely sad. Will I ever get back my endurance level? Will I ever get back to size 10? I was only there for a very short period of time. The nice ladies at the gym have said they notice me putting on weight (they are not mean, they know I am pregnant). People at work are rubbing my squishy fat belly and telling me I am starting to show.

I am not used to this. I am only used to jaws dropping or comments about how much I have lost, not how much I am gaining. SO MUCH HARDER THAN I THOUGHT. I tried to prepare myself mentally but I don't think you can. After losing weight, it is hard to watch it come back and there is nothing I can really do about it.

So here is what I wore today. And yes, someone rubbed my belly again. Really? I have never done this to anyone but best bud while she was pregnant. Speaking of, bless best bud and my mom for always listening to me whine and always making me feel better when there are people in the world with real problems.

I don't think hubby can take a straight picture to save his life. Sorry about that!

I feel better now. But I think it will be tough like this for a few months until I look like I am actually having a baby. Not just squishy and fat. I think it would have been easier if I had stayed fat and gotten pregnant. Not healthier or better. Just easier to watch myself gain. But I am not sure if I would have ever taken it off. This is the path I took. I planned it. I still think it was the best path for me and a baby but it is bumpier than expected.

Hope you all have a wonderful week!

It's not ALL bitching! Check out these pics!

Warning: this post is very random and scattered. I would blame pregnancy but I am always like this. Read at your own risk.

So I know I bitch a lot. Especially the past few months, but I wanted to post about a realization that I had today. You know how we all have that one body part that really bothers us. I had the same one my whole life. Not sure why but it is my upper arms. Even in high school I would not wear sleevless things because I thought I had ham hock arms. I didn't. Until I gained 100 pounds. It was so bad I had to start wearing some sleevless stuff because the arms were too tight in many shirts. Here is a pic of me in spring/summer 2008 (before I began the weight loss journey).
Last week, best bud's twin daughters (one of them pictured above as well) had their birthday party (and they were dressed as the cutest little cowgirls I have ever seen). I happened to be checking out their photos today and came back to this one. Why? because for the first time in my life I thought my arms looked normal. I know camera angles play a part and I do have some flapping going on with my arms but I am okay with it. I have actually changed my mind about my most bothersome body part after all these years. Maybe I have learned something. It has also inspired me to make sure I weight train this week. My goal is to go to body pump twice this week. I hope I can do it.

Now for the best part of my post - the picture below. I live in Texas. I have a pool in my back yard. I plan on living in it this summer while out of school and very pregnant. I have been on the hunt for cute swimsuit before they sell out. I never got to buy any at my new weight for my new body. Looks like I won't be this summer either. I found two pretty decent swimsuits but I looked through hundreds to find them. Most of the choices look like this:

Dude. This woman is thin and attractive and she can't pull this look off. What makes a designer think us regular folk can do it? I am telling you, it is going to be a long summer. I wouldn't even want to be seen with me wearing something like this. Even in my own backyard.

Any good recommendations for pregnancy swim wear?

Ups and Downs

It has been a crazy week. Thursday was hectic but pretty good. I went back to the school I used to work at for their science night. I saw so many of my former students and their families. Their jaws dropped because they did not recognize me at first. It was like a great big reunion of my favorite co-workers and students who have forever changed my life.

I heard many - "Oh my god!" and "How did you do it?" and "I would have never recognized you" and "You look great, is it true you are pregnant?"

Two years ago I had a student who I taught for two years. His dad always came to conferences because mom did not speak English. One day, this student came in with a big smile and said "my dad says you are really fat!"

Now I had a few things I wanted to say back (especially because dad was very large) but the student was 6 and we had a talk about hurting people's feelings (even if dad thinks it is okay).

Well, I saw that student. He ran and grabbed his dad. Jaw on the floor. I could see his in his mind he was eating his words. Revenge is sweet.

Later that night I tried on my size 10 jeans and was proud I could still button them. I thought they could live another day until my hubby said "man, those are tight!" He was looking at my arse and legs! Not my ever growing muffin top. So I went to my size 12s. More room in the waist but not the legs. Finally I pulled out the 14s. Total comfort. A little too roomy in the waist but I will dig out a belt and live with it until I have to start with the elastic waist bands. Sounds attractive, I know.

Fast forward to Friday in the lunch line at my new school. My pants and black school shirt fit extremely well. Nothing too tight. A lunch lady (whom I hardly know) said "Man, you are BIG! Are you having twins? Ha, ha, ha!!" How effing rude is that? In front of my class too. Of course, I took it in great stride but I had somethings I wanted to say. Like pointing out that she is a foot shorter than me and has about 50 pounds on me.

I am not sensitive. I almost never cry. But what if I was and I did right there in the lunch line in front of my kids? She should feel like an arse herself!

What is it about being pregnant that makes people think they can say whatever they want? I have NEVER said anything about size or weight to a pregnant woman (or anyone for that matter). Maybe because I have been overweight (okay, morbidly obese) I am more sensitive to other people's feelings where this is involved.

Talk about a 180. From totally nice people and compliments to a totally rude person and insults the next. If I were rude (which I can be at times), I would go up to that lunch lady next week and rub her belly and ask her when she is due and then laugh like she did. Laughing does not make insults okay. And I think after you lose 100 pounds no one should be able to call you "BIG" anymore. She does not know I lost that much weight but if I had an eating disorder (besides my night-time carb loading), that comment could have been a major problem.

Enough bitching.

Hopefully you all had a good week. Rest up today. You deserve it!

Why do I do this to myself?

What is it that I do? Extremes. Especially with eating and exercise. I have gotten better. I never give up the exercise. Even on bad days I do a little something. But I am usually hard-core high intensity or very low intensity. Eating is another beast since this pregnancy.

My breakfast is perfectly balanced, full of fiber, fruit, veggies, calcium and protein. My snacks are portioned and balanced. My lunch today was cucumbers and bell pepper, an orange, 1/2 a turkey sandwich (loaded with veggies), a handful of chips and a bottle of water. But once night hits, watch out friends! I have been eating carbs like cereal and crackers after a healthy dinner to keep my belly from hurting. Not today. A burger sounded good. It tasted good too. It just doesn't sit well. Even now, 3 to 4 hours later.

Was it the burger that made me miserable? Maybe it was after I added the fries. Or perhaps those few onion rings. I know, the regular soda (which I pretty much only drink water and milk right now). The crowning glory? How about not 1, not 2, not 3, but 4 low-fat cookies. Oink, oink.

We are talking the kind of misery where you can't even sleep. Just feel the pain in your belly. So what did I do? Exercise. Man did I want to throw up. It was my punishment to myself. I have learned 2 things. #1- my hunger is exaggerated (it feels almost like a panic inside sometimes) and #2 - I should always exercise before dinner.

I used to only do this to myself at cheat meals. I need to learn control at night. That will be a goal for tomorrow as I have to eat out with some old co-workers (totally makes me feel even worse thinking about that). My belly will recover, but what a long painful night!

I finally did it!

I finally got off my lazy arse and did actual weight training again. Nothing too intense but it did feel good. I have totally kept up on cardio and did some weight training using my own weight as resistance but I did not pick up a set of weights except for about 3 times in 3 weeks.

For those who may not know, I started with a personal trainer. I did a lot of weight training. When he and I parted ways, I went to a computer program at the gym. I was very consistent and did it 3 times per week. Then I wanted to try and tighten my loose skin areas so I did P90X. A bit hard core but I completed it. And got pregnant right at that time so I did not want to do another round of it. I went to Body Pump classes but they were not what I was looking for so I got all lazy and only did push-ups, squats and lunges and core work.

I ordered a pregnancy dvd that I thought was strictly weight training. It is not. There more to it. She throws in a few minutes of cardio to raise your heart rate. She also doubles up exercises to get some real bang for your time used. It was not as easy as I thought it would be. I did sweat. You can chose which sections to do. I did the 1st and 2nd trimester weight training/cardio sections, the core and butt kickers section and the flexibility section (I really loved this - I feel more balanced now). Altogether I did about 50-55 minutes and walked the dogs. I am happy with that. I do love my high-intensity cardio but this is good for a few days a week I think. Lots of "pelvic floor" moves to get ready for delivery. She put together a nice combo of moves. I did not wear my heart monitor so I am not sure about the calorie burn but I will next time.

I had never heard of her before I ordered her book. Her name is Tracey Mallet. I did her Fit for Pregnancy dvd. For her web site, click here. She has other non-pregnancy dvds. I may have to look into those. I prefer the gym to dvds but they are convenient. Especially since none of my gyms offer classes especially designed for the pregnant woman.

I also ordered a pregnancy workout dvd from 1989 (I am pretty sure it was just VHS then) in case I have to give up my classes at any time, I will have a safe workout. Kathy Smith. I used to do her workout tapes after school all the time.

In other news, did I ever tell you there was a girl at work who is pregnant and due within days of me? She is so nice. We have hung out together a bit. She told me her news but did not really tell anyone else. This week, I noticed I had not seen her in a while. I got a little worried. I finally saw her yesterday. She asked me how I was feeling and stuff and when I asked her in return, she told me she had a miscarriage. I feel so bad. She seems to be handling it well. I am not sure when she lost it but it is sad just the same. I feel guilty. Hopefully that feeling will subside after a while.

I went to a soccer game of some of my former students today. They get more aggressive as they get older. They made me proud! I walked past the 4 year olds playing. SO CUTE! I hope my kid wants to do that someday.

Today is my beautiful god daughters' birthday party. The adorable, lovely, smart, fantastic, lovies are 2. Time flies! I must now prepare for our trip to the farm. Hope you all are having a great weekend!

Oh no.....it's starting

Today was kind of funny to me. Somedays as a teacher are kind of stressful. Like today, I had to have two parents come pick up their children for behavior issues. Not just sent to the office, sent home. One of them started in at 8:05 (the minute the bell rang) - he was hitting other children by 8:25. I think that is a record for any child I have ever had (and I have had a few emotionally disturbed and some bad post-traumatic stress disordered children). The office was NOT loving me today (hello paperwork - and it was a big testing day).

So I had to take my entertainment where I could get it.

A little back story - I started at a new school this year. I have only lost 25 pounds since I have met my fellow co-workers. I lost the majority of my weight at my previous school. Everyone watched me shrink. It was fun for us all. Most of my new co-workers do not know how big I used to be or how much weight I have lost.

Now I shall continue. I wore a new shirt that is cut like a maternity shirt (only it isn't). Two teachers (not one, TWO) teachers came up and rubbed my belly and told me I was getting a baby bump. There is a baby. There is a bump. However, at the moment my bump is chub and loose skin (which is from previous weight loss). Inside I was laughing and thinking, how does it feel to rub someone else's fat? It is not as squishy as I thought. It is a bit firm (but not by much). Outside I smiled and acknowledged the growing area. But I have to say, had it not been really nice people, my instinct would have been to smack their hand away.

Guess I will have to get over that. No one at my previous job would have dared to do that, knowing that there was the possibility of it being fat and excess skin. It was a bit shocking but I have a feeling it is just going to get worse. It's gonna be a LONG pregnancy.

By the way. I cannot stop eating starchy things (such as crackers). So if you have a recommendation of a great tasting cracker, I would love to hear it.

Oh, the other highlight of my day! My class and I started working on our Mother's Day cookbook. They told me the recipe that they want to contribute. This is going to be AWESOME!! My favorite activity every year. This year it is mostly desserts. The most interesting dish goes to a Vietnamese student who wants to write about fish, noodle soup. I cannot wait to hear all the details!

Hope you had an entertaining day as well.

Doctor Appointment

My second prego doctor appointment was today. I always try to get the last appointment of the day (for anything) so I do not have to miss work (really hard as a teacher). My appointment was at 4:15.

First thing this morning I stood in my closet and pondered what to wear. Then I saw it. The shirt that best bud had with maternity clothes (which is so not a maternity shirt, although it is empire-waisted). I tried it on over the weekend and it is a bit tight. It zips up the side, but I did get it zipped. When I took it off, I saw it was a size 8. I have never worn a size 8!! Amazing how numbers can shock you sometimes (good and bad). I decided to wear this shirt so that when I stood on the scale and people oinked at me when they told me I gained 10 pounds in 4 weeks, I could still tell myself "hey, you are wearing the smallest size you have ever worn!"

All psychological. But if it makes me feel better I am for it. When I stepped on the scale, no one oinked. No matter what my weight has been in any doctor's office, no one has ever said anything to me. Except a nurse years ago took it twice and said "wow, you hide it well." When you are as big as I was, you take it as a compliment.

Here is the ironic part (for today at least). I bought a new pair of pants for work over the weekend and I bought a size 14 so I can wear them for the rest of the year (fingers crossed). They are roomy but I wore them today with the size 8 shirt. Talk about a pear shape!

The damage over the past 4 weeks? 4 pound gain. Add that to my 3 previous pounds and I am at a 7 pound gain total. Could be better, could be worse. Sometimes it feels like more. Especially because it is all in my flabby gut. But I am enjoying my food and she said we were healthy and the heartbeat sounded good so I feel happy about the visit.

We talked exercise and she said I should use the day of spotting as a guide - do less than that. Which, that was a pretty bad-ass day so I can tone it down a little. She also said the running is fine which is good because I started running with the dogs again this morning.

Good thing I can run. I made hubby and the dogs walk at the park on Saturday (they lagged behind a bit). When I saw a decrepit old man jogging, I was so jealous!! It took ever fiber of my being not to take off running. I felt like a slacker (and I am a bit competitive). After 2 miles I had to drop them at home and walk 2.5 more. I needed to burn calories to eat cake. I am serious about my food too.

Tonight I am going back to body attack. Now I will not feel too bad if I have a hard time sticking to some of the lower impact moves.

I am tired (as usual) but has been a good healthy day. Hubby just got back from the store so I have lots of healthy stuff to eat this week.

Now I must peel myself out of this shirt and get into some workout gear. Happy sweating!

Rough Week

WARNING: This is a big, whiney post. You may want to skip it. I probably would.

This has been the 10th week of my pregnancy. It was not as enjoyable as I would have liked it to be. Mostly because of exercise. I am a little scared now (after the spotting incident last week). I also read that if I exercise to full exertion I am depriving my baby of oxygen. Boy, do I feel like an ass. Sorry baby. So here was my wussy schedule for the week:

1. I only ran with the dogs 1 day and then decided to change to speed walking 1.2 miles each morning. I also stuck to my 40 push-ups each morning.
2. Monday - body attack - did my best at low impact and still burned 500 calories.
3. Tuesday - was going to walk in the park after dinner when I decided to lay down for a few minutes. I woke up 3 and 1/2 hours later. A little too late then.
4. Wednesday - Zumba - love the instructor, it was a lot of ab work and it kept me out of my kitchen for an hour but I only burned 250 calories.
5. Thursday - turbo kickboxing - again tried low-impact (kills me). I made it 50 minutes when I started getting cramps. I left early and decided to walk on the treadmill. After about 5 minutes the cramps got worse so I decided it was time to go home. Only burned 350 calories.
6. Friday - walking - decided to give my body a break from classes and walked 2 miles at the park with best bud and the twins (who turn two today!!!) luckily she let me push the double stroller so maybe a burned a few extra calories. I did not wear my monitor because the calorie burns are getting so low it is depressing.

Today I plan to walk again. Did you notice the weight training? Oh, perhaps that is because I still haven't done it. I did order some prego weight training dvds. Hopefully that will make it idiot proof for me. Just put it in and do it. Simple.

I have also been getting pains only on the left side of my body. In my back the other night, down in my gut and most annoyingly right under my boob in the rib cage. Not sure how to fix that. None are constant (thank goodness) but they are reoccurring.

I also sleep and lay on my belly ALL THE TIME. I love it. However, I tried to stretch out on the floor yesterday and it kind of hurt. I think those belly laying days are quickly coming to an end.

Week 10 has been disappointing (calorie burn wise, ability to exercise wise) and a bit more painful. I know, I know. It is going to get much worse. No need to tell me. It will all be worth it when I come out of this with a healthy baby. But like I said, changing my mindset on this stuff has been the toughest thing yet.

Monday I go back to the doc. I am not looking forward to seeing my weight gain. I can feel it. It is heavy. It is squishy. It is all in my middle. I am amazed each time I put on my pants and they button. However, the muffin top is growing at a rapid pace and is not attractive in the least.

Hope you all are having a more successful feeling week than me. I feel better now after complaining. And I must say, I am extremely fortunate to not feel sick. Especially during the day. Oh, the highlight of my week? I had my 1st grade class have an Easter bag hunt (we hunted for goody bags instead of just eggs - it was a surprise to them). It was hilarious. People could hear us screaming and laughing down the hall. Also, the twins ate Dilly bars at the Dairy Queen last night. Has to have been one of the cutest things ever!! They even shared when one dropped hers. Watching them try to lick....hysterical! I cannot get enough of those girls (or their momma). God bless great friends (especially when they listen to me complain about pregnancy and they were super sick the whole time and carrying two and never complained). I may whine but I am grateful that I can.